Chammak Challo

Culture Vulture etc! I know... I know... but I just HAD to!

2011-11-30T07:26:00.000-08:00

This song is so much fun! The lyrics come on in the first seconds. The song follows. So sing along.

AND SING OUT LOUD! DANCE A BIT! MOVE THAT BOOTAY!

Time to name the Bacchhan baby!

2011-11-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Bacchaan Parivaar ( I almost wrote Sahara Parivaar but that does not work anymore does it),

First I must congratulate all of you and especially the mother who did all the hard work on the birth of the baby. The baby will bring everyone much happiness. For most people the happy and trying bits of parenthood brings to the fore facets of our feelings and personalities that complete us all as human beings.

And then ofcourse... because it is me writing this and I am a cynic for the most part...

Oyee Bacchhan family... is all this asking for name suggestions to make up for not inviting a whole lot of people (who happen to be a teensy bit mad about it even now) to the wedding of the happy parents? If that was such a private happy occasion (and it is rightly so) why should'nt the process of naming the baby be equally private? You are going to name the baby exactly what you want anyway and you have that whole lexicon of Harvanshrai's literary works to use for inspiration, so why the "name our baby please" ploy? Hey, I gotta admit, it is a very cost effective PR excercise though. Everyone feels included and yet everyone gets to be dissapointed at their suggestion not being chosen! However, I have full confidence you will find the name that pleases your family with absolutely no outside help at all.

But you have asked so I shall proceed to beg you to please, please, please stay away from all currently trendy "indo-global" names especially any of the especially popular Russified or Arabicised versions of desi names. Tacky, tacky, tacky!

Thank goodness the names Karan and Priyanka are fading into the distance. About 2 decades ago, it seemed like gali gali mein yet another baby was being called Priyanka or Karan. I am sure that when a mother calls out ... Priyanka... in any gali in Gurgoan, Calicut, Bhatinda or Shillong, a whole slew of teen girls answer ... Si mammina!

Of course now all the grown up Karans and Priyanka's are naming their own kids Ishaan, Ishita, Amaan and Aryan or some Russianised or Arabised version of a moderately desi name. Same difference!

Bacchhan family, you did very good with names like Shweta, Agastya, Navya Naveli, so crack open all those books written by the patriarch and get yourself a name indicating the culture this child will live it's first years in. Something that speaks to the child. Something that speaks for the child.

It is not about how the name looks in neon lights in the future. It is about how much the child likes the name enough, to write it a few dozen times ...in cursive with decorated hearts all around ...all over the back page of an ink smeared, dog eared 5th standard math book.

sincerely,
Mrs. Ashton Kutcher :)

My vice is greasy Samosas and I am not a skinny minnie!

2010-02-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

So I went to see My Name Is Khan .. all by my lonesome self. None of my friends seemed to want to admit liking SRK and seeing his films. I like him, I do, I do, and I so wanted to see it and more importantly to like it.

Armed with Samosas and a coke, I slunk into a packed cinema theatre to watch this film on a Sunday afternoon. And what did I think?

MNIK was a bore. Bilkul bore! I yawned, I fidgeted, I cracked my knuckles, I made noise crumpling up my greasy samosa wrappers. I just wanted it to be over!

It seemed like someone sitting in a hermetically sealed library, took a stack of newspaper articles and fashioned a story about a place they had never been and people they had never met and a condition they had never encountered.

9/11 and way it changed the American psyche is sooooooo much more complex than TeamKJo portrays. The film was extremely naive and color by numbers.

Also I really, really hope that no rural georgia community gets to see the film else bechara Kjo will have his head handed to him on a pewter sunday roast platter while a gospel choir sings hossannas in the background, color purple style!

The samosas were good though. Hindi movie theatre lobby food is getting better. That is the bottom line... and that my friends is not good for my bottom!

I went to see 3 idiots and instead saw a Pirate on the horizon

2010-01-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

3 Idiots.....

I liked the film. It was good. Just that. Good. Made it to the Good category. By the skin of its teeth. Barely. Not a standout and not quite as smartly and tightly made as the first MunnaBhai. It was a good enough time pass and paisa wasool. Amir's enthusiasm is infectious. Kareena is pretty and has an adequate performance. Madhavan was stellar and the other fellow remained just that "the adequate other fellow". The movie was adequate in all the departments except for... DRUMROLL PLEASE... the darned script. Pesky things those scripts! If only movies did not need scripts we would all be Fellini. It was not a watertight script; which is what I was hoping for, being that there was actually a book published long enough ago, to lift the darned thing from!

And hell yeah, the book (Five Point Someone by chetan Bhagat) is definately the meat and potatoes of the script never mind what VVC and Co contend and froth at the mouth and deny. Anyone... even a pirate with a eyepatch... would be able to tell that if they have read the book and the seen the movie. Without the book, there would have been no skeleton to the story unless Abhijaat Joshi and Chetan Bhagat have some telephatic connection and think the same thoughts at the same time, and put them on paper at the same time... which they dont.

So yes, my appreciation of the movie is tainted by the blatant disregard for someone else's creative idea.

My friend Memsaab tells us about her discomfort with the way Rancho was played. (Go read her blog, she's amazing) I agree with her at the somewhat dissatisfyingly unidimentional Rancho. I think if you dear reader, have read the book you will understand his character (Ryan) better. That character was real, and there was a reason for Ryan being so disturbingly and uncomfortably real.

Was five point someone stellar writing. Hardly. But it was an interesting and original idea and very true of IIT's. 3 Idiots in its dithering between purporting to being an original story and trying to build a tale on the original scaffold built by another architect else, fails in that it is merely good. It could have been taut and brilliant. Unfortunate.

Even more unfortunate, is that VVC comes for a family rife with writers. His nonchalant disregard for what is obviously someone else's creative baby is disturbing and deplorable.

I wonder what Raju Hirani was thinking when he read the script. If in his defence he had not read the book... strange... since EVERYONE in India had, and the book has been around for along enough time, he probably needs to be more of a complete director. He needs to read more. As does Aamir! When you are the captain of the ship, the rigging is really your responsibility.

The rigging was stolen, so is the plunder now stolen riches?

So 3 idiots.. good... I gueeesssssssss.

I need something with a high alcohol content and something else crunchy with a high calorie content to feel better again! I need comfort food and drink!

And how were your New Year celebrations?

Why I am interested in Tiger Woods's musical beds.

2009-12-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

A friend asked in her blog if the media interest in Infidelities was justified. I had a comment to make on her blog. Go check her blog out. She is an insightful writer and the blog is very good.

Below is what I wrote as a comment on her blog.
.....................................................................................

I do not see why the media should NOT write stories about Tiger Woods and his shenanigans. Tiger Woods sells and how! As bad boy and good (endorsements). He is a whole economy by himself. PGA will suffer, golf and all its support industries will suffer, why even shaving cream companies will suffer millions and billions if the Tiger Woods brand is devalued by his actions.

As such his story is deserving of media coverage and as the ultimate consumers we have the right to be both amused and entertained by stories of his peccadilios; just as much as we have the right to be informed of how the devaluing of his brandname will affect our own purchasing power. Any phenonmenon that affects my saving/purchasing capabilities must be investigated, giggled at, raged at or ultimately shelved for future reconsideration.

In the US context, it follows that the brandname devaluing of politicians or other powerful people who behave badly, will affect my life in many ways.

Indian or European sexual mores or definition of badboy behavior and brand devaluing is different. The corruptability of the press and also the profitability of the press in other countries is also a factor in what stories are newsworthy in economic terms. I am not going to compare what is acceptable and where. It is apples or oranges to guavas.

Money decides everything ultimately in any country, in any era, even how many beds a man or woman can warm.

Money also decides if it is acceptable for the aggrieved spouse to rage at the unfaithful one, golf club in hand or to accept the "transgression" in sati savitri fashion.

Ultimately money defines a culture and its mores.

Men and women have behaved badly everywhere, and in every era. Today, it affects me monetarily. Damn right, I am interested in the gory details.

Google schmoogle

2009-10-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

Did you know that THE top google search keyword that brings folks to my blog is....

drumroll please....

CHUTIYA!

I guess I am owning it since I talked about Chutiyas and Chutiyagiri a very long time ago. Folks from Argentina to Norway and Patna have been searching for Chutiya and stumbling across my blog. I hope they enjoyed the rest of my humdrum posts too.

Okay here is another one : Haraami Kutta!

That should bring a lot more people to my blog.

Excuse me while I go wash my mouth out with carbolic soap.

In which she gives you a household hint and an excuse to get yourself a drink to start the weekend right!

2009-10-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

So I can flip from fertility issues to household hints to political rants and then gossip! Yeah, I know sometimes you dont know what to make of me. Sometimes I dont know either.

So get yourself a glass of something good, a plate of something fatty and crunchy to eat and start your weekend off right... and read on.

I just saved myself a pile of money! Saving money is cause for celebration right? Go on, celebrate with me... go have have another drink! See, I just gave you another excuse to start your weekend already.. did'nt I?

Why am I so thrilled? Because I stopped myself... in the nick of time... from throwing away a couple of All Clad pots, that were the stars of my culinary world. I used them for everything. They were very expensive but just the best things that I had ever bought for my kitchen. I think I probably saved up for a few months for each pot, so you know how much I loved them.

Recently I have become a less than careful cook and they had become horribly charred. So bad that even steel wool and earnest scrubbing could not rescue them. Everything stuck to the bottom and everything cooked in them tasted burnt. I wrote to the manufacturer and used every possible thing to fix the problem... including this which can basically clean anything off anything. Sigh... I was ready to weep.

I had tossed them in the garbage, when an Aunt of mine came to visit from India. She pottered around my kitchen, switched all my spices and pots around until I could not find anything anymore, declared that we did'nt eat enough good ghee and she also lectured me endlessly on how wasteful we were. Worse, she threw away Husband's preserved pickled Herring! You can tell that she was generally begining to annoy me.

I was not really surprised when she started frothing at the mouth when she saw the pots in the trash. What she did next though surprised me.

She had me dive headfirst into the slimy garbage and pull them out and rinse them off. Then she told me put an inch of water in the pots and soak a cupfull of Sago .. Sabudana... which is different from Tapioca ... in the water overnight. The next day I was instructed to boil up the whole slimy mess and stir with a wooden spoon/non stick spatula while the mess boiled. Imagine my surprise when the charred bottom bits came unstuck... in huge flakes! No scratches, no elbow grease, no hard labor. It was like a miracle! It was wonderous! My pots were back to thier new pristine glory. It truly is a miracle I tell you. It was like pulling a few hundred dollars out of the garbage!

Since then I have used Sabudana to clean pretty much every mess in the kitchen. Counters with stuck on, dried on food like egg or aataa? Those burnt on patches on the oven shelves? Non stick pans which actually do stick if you forget to turn off the stove and are on the phone with a fun friend? Cleaning the outdoor grill? Scuff marks on highly polished dining table? Yeah, you guessed it. Sabudana in its various forms! Boiled up/powdered/gloppy paste. All of them work.

Now if I can only get the family to eat Sabudana Khichadi... sigh!

For rent?

2009-10-20T16:15:00.001-07:00

Amitabh Bachchan has been a larger than life figure in my childhood and adolescence and certainly epitomised my idea of a movie star! I have always admired his acting skills and recently have come to appreciate his writing skills on his blog... though perhaps not the content.

Recently his noisy rants have been colorful and mildly amusing being that they come from his august mind. In a post on his blog he writes about gestational surrogacy and his feelings about that phenonmenon. His thoughts are buried in this post.

As someone who has gone through the entire wretched and excruciating process of fertility treatment, I was disturbed by his remarks. But then he can be excused. He and several others with hardline opinions have perhaps not walked a single step in the painful shoes marked infertility.

For me and my husband, while the process was long and sometimes felt hopeless we were blessed to have two children.

Has the experience left us completely unscathed? Perhaps not. The psyche is scarred and the joyous presence of our kids is still an incomplete balm. The entire process of fertility treatment has left us slightly different people. Very happy and content, but different. That my friends, is how big the issue of fertility is for many couples. For those who have not walked in our shoes to color the issues as good/evil in broad brush strokes is not warranted. To say children are merely commodities in our eyes makes a mockery of our desire to nuture a biological future generation.

I have written a comment on his blogpost and reproduce it here. Every blogpost of his generates a few hundred comments and perhaps my comment will get buried somewhere. So here it is for your reading pleasure and comment.

I do reccomend that you read his blogpost too so that you get reference to context. Let me know what you think.

My comment follows.
.....................................................................................

At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly and shaking a virtual finger at you, I have something to say about your view of surrogacy for those faced with fertility issues.

It really and truly takes someone who has been through the extremely hellish process that is dealing with fertility issues to understand the anguish, hopelessness and feelings of personal loss that women and men seeking a child are subjected to. As a veteran of that process, let me assure you that even my own beloved mother did not understand my pain during those excruciating years. There is no way she can understand (though she tried hard to see things through my eyes and heart)… just as I do not expect you or Kutty, Madan or Puri to understand unless they are face to face with the issue of thier own infertility.

Ofcourse it follows that desperate people seeking a biological child will follow through any avenue allowed by modern science and where legal issues are not insurmountable. Surrogacy is just one such avenue. Does it make someone less of a mother because she did not carry her child in her own womb? Is seeking an affordable surrogate a crime for middle class person? Do middle class people have no right to pursue that course and pay less for the procedure if the “birth” mother (and i use this term loosely) is being also benefited? Is the child going to be less loved because it was not nourished by its nurturing mother’s placenta?

I think to color the entire issue in broad strokes with a black paint is wrong and is insensitive to those who struggle with fertility issues.

i hear so often… oh why dont they just adopt! yes, that is certainly an option but hearts and minds must come to terms with that eventuality when all other options are useless. Some decide to adopt and some cannot. Does it mean that the ones who decide not to adopt are incapable of loving a/thier child? ofcourse not! So why would I blacktar the issue of a possible surrogacy without considering that there are many shades of grey to that decision… just as there are so many in life.

Yes, i do agree with you that laws need to be carefully examined to allow for all circumstances to be covered before the child is even concieved. In that and in adoption laws, India needs a huge wake up call. However to denigrate the avenue of surrogacy as lacking in human values of parental love and affection is wrong. For some of us, it is the only way out.

Pugilistic

2009-10-19T08:27:00.001-07:00

So this is what I have been doing! On many fronts! More to follow.

Yeah, that is my strong arm!

Interview with the Vampires

2009-07-09T04:57:00.001-07:00

This tag is going around and I loved it. No one tagged me for this. No one ever tags me *sigh*

I ganked it from my namesake in Mumbai.

As much as I complain, praise and declare my love for my "just turned 5 Son" and "just turned 7 Daughter", perhaps a faithful reportage of my kids own words and actions will give y'all a sense how they interact and think.

ME: What is something I always say to you?
SON: Behaaaave! *makes exaggerated eye rolling motions*
DAUGHTER: I love you. *gives me a hug*

ME: What makes me happy?
SON:Singing in the shower. *giggles*
DAUGHTER: When I kiss you *kisses me*

ME: What makes me sad?
SON:Hitting your head! *makes wild and crazy whooping sounds and makes windmills of his arms*
DAUGHTER: When your legs hurt, like today. *kisses my left knee*

ME: How do I make you laugh?
SON: Singing in the shower. *now he is rolling on the ground with laughter*
DAUGHTER: When you tickle me *looks very serious*

ME:What do you think I was like as a child?
SON:A vegetarian.
DAUGHTER: I dont really know. *said very slow* ....IwantanAmericanGirlDollGymnasticsOutfitSetFromSamantha *said very fast*

ME: How old am I?
SON: A million *very serious*
DAUGHTER: Oldddddddddddd. When are you going to Billy to color your hair again?*very serious*

ME: How tall am I?
SON: 17 feet *said very fast*
DAUGHTER: 5 Feet or something. But Dad's really tall. He is the tallest in the family. *squinting at me*

ME: What is my favourite thing to do?
SON: Singing in the shower *makes dancing motions and pretend scrubs himself*
DAUGHTER: Buying Stuff *giggles madly*

ME: What do I do when you’re not around?
SON:You coooooook something.
DAUGHTER: Go to work.

ME: If I become famous, what will it be for?
SON: Wearing makeup. *jumps on the couch*
DAUGHTER: Singing *does some Hip Hop dancing motions and sings Romeo (Taylor Swift) into pretend mike*

ME: What am I really good at?
SON:Training *makes weighlifting motions and goes aaaahhhh aaaahhhhhh*
DAUGHTER: Doing Kick boxing. Sometimes you are and sometimes you ar'nt. Right? *squints at me looking skeptical*

ME:What am I not really good at?
SON:Singing in the shower *very serious and straight face*
DAUGHTER: Fixing things. *very, very, very serious and straight face*

ME: What is my job?
SON: Cooking and talking *runs into the kitchen and comes back waving a ladle in the air*
DAUGHTER: Stuffffffffff *looks very bored*

ME: What is my favourite food?
SON:Meat
DAUGHTER: Vegetables

ME: What makes you proud of me?
SON:When you give me a pedicure. *jumps on couch and throws a pillow across the room*
DAUGHTER: After you are done getting a shot without crying. *looks very serious*

ME: What makes me proud of you?
SON:When I sing in the shower. *proceeds to sing Tomorrow from the musical Annie*
DAUGHTER: When I get everything right on my spelling test. *kisses me*

ME: What do you and I do together?
SON:You give me a pedicure. *massages his left foot while hopping on the right. Daughter pushes him over. Son falls down. Fight ensues. Son cries*
DAUGHTER: Go to the Mall. *looking hopeful*

ME: How are we the same?
SON: Same in a different way. *looks very puzzled*
DAUGHTER: We both have black hair. *swings her long hair around and around and around and promptly falls down from dizziness. Spends two minutes crying. I have to kiss her*

ME: How are you and I different?
SON: Mom I want Pancakes! *loud voice*
DAUGHTER: You wear glasses when you read. *soft voice*

ME: What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
SON:Mooooooom I want pancakes! *very loud and swinging aforementioned ladle*
DAUGHTER:You not wearing glasses when you read. *pulls my glasses off*

And I tag whoever wishes to take this up. It is fun.

Hunterwalli and the toe that hurts today

2009-07-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

Nina is a very talented writer who writes some lovely blogs. I enjoy reading her work tremendously. Today she wrote a poignant piece about Life imitating Art and vice versa. Read it here. Scenes that bring back feelings, memories and thoughts happen to us more often than we realise. Why, this happened to me just yesterday!

Last evening I had a "Fearless Nadia of WadiaMovietone Hunterwaali /Robert Deniro Taxi Driver "you looking at me"/Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid " MOMENT. Yeah, all of them at the same time!

This was in a traffic altercation in my peaceful little suburban hamlet where a goose crossing the main street causes the 7 man policeforce to come out in full force with lights flashing... to protect the goose!

So anyway it is important that AN APE was being impatient and honking madly behind me while I craned my neck to make sure it was okay to make a right hand turn on a red light. He probably was upset because it was getting to closing time at the Zoo and he had to get back to his Apehouse before the zookeeper found out he (ufffff...the ape, not the zookeeper) was missing. The Ape was impatient but I was being careful because I had the kids in the car with me.

After the turn was made, the Ape forced me onto the road shoulder and stopped his Apemobile in front of my car. He clambered out of his car and rapped his hairy knuckles on my window. And then ofcourse he proceeded to make an ass of himself by yelling in my ear.

Needless to say by this point I was chanelling all three movie characters in thier iconic scenes... Fearless Nadia and Robert Deniro and Grasshopper Ralph Machhio.

I just looked at the APE with derision and narrowed eyes ... I was itching to be dressed in a one shouldered tigerskin dress, swing from a tree above him, bodyslam him and then kick his teeth in with my extremely overrated kickboxing skills. At this point I was mentally counting how many of his teeth I could knock out with a roundhouse kick and a left hook! However I was also wanting desperately to be zen. Zen won. YAY ME! Mr. Miyagi would have been proud. I smiled and shut the window in his face.

Ofcourse after the Ape left the scene, I kicked at a tree branch viciously in frustration and sprained my toe! I then hopped around on one foot howling with pain in the manner of PeeWee Herman on a Sunday morning kids show. It didnt help that my pesky kids and thier even more irreverent friend sitting in the back seat howled with laughter at that sight!

So many scenes, so many emotions from so many movies in 5 minutes. I even enacted a TV show. Guess I am also plagarising a life script as I move through it. Are the media walas doing it to me too?

The King sat in his counting house, counting all his money!

2009-07-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

A blogger whose posts are clever, thoughful and very topical writes about rearing generous, balanced kids in a material world. A very thought provoking post. Go read it here.

Interestingly enough I was in the process of writing a post that covered the same issues... a financial education for my kids. I brought it forward in my long line of unfinished drafts because this topic is red hot in my house RIGHT NOW. Fortuitous or what?

What was the catalyst for this post you ask?

Well, an unexpected expense reared it ugly head a month ago. A weather related "act of god" (or something like that according to the insurance company) means that we absolutely have to buy a new car. Not the runabout small car which hopefully will continue to run for a few more years *fingers crossed*, but the family car in which the kids and thier friends are transported to thier million activies by "moms taxi company"! Right now as a one car family, we are absolutely crazed. Mom's taxi is also transporting Dad around and the taxi driver (yours truly) is exhausted! We need another car and we need it now.

In unexpected ways, the process of buying the car has begun the lessons of a financial education for my kids.

At "just turned 7" and "just turned 5" my kids are begining to understand delayed gratification just a bit. Not all of it but some bits. I think the crux of "a financial education" is understanding delayed gratification. The car is now the object of thier delayed gratification.

I have involved the kids as much as I can in the process and have told them we need to save up for a new car and must spend wisely in the next few months. The process of physically clambering into new cars at the dealerships, smelling the leather seats (dont ask) and taking test drives with us and being asked what features they would like in the car (son wants a DVD player, daughter wants a moonroof and large cargo area for her bike and picnic coolers) mentally and physically connects them to a tangible goal/reward for saving. I think it makes them as excited to save the $2 the tooth fairy gave Daughter as I am thrilled to save $25 because I only bought the items advertised on the first page of the grocery weekly circular (try it, works everytime). It has given them a sense of what money can do for them. It has made the concept of money more concrete in thier minds.

Ofcourse they have thier greedy moments when they need everything they see. The million peices of bubblegum and yet another Hannah Montana made in china T shirt that will fall apart after the first wash, and the sponge bob bubble maker that sputters to a stop when we put the bubble solution inside. That continues, but it is now sporadic not the continous whine it used to be.

Now we make plans of what we are going to do and what we need before we go to the mall. A carousel ride or the trip to the ice cream store is a given at the mall, but it is begining to stop at that. We discuss the merits of buying yet more "bear clothes" at Build-a-bear (the worst waste of money I ever saw) versus getting that DVD player option for the car. I think Daughter really gets it. Son gets it about 75% of the time.

I think something that has helped the process along fast has been that Husband and I have always tried to live with only what we love. We are very minialist in decor and collecting possesions around us. There are only three things we collect as a family. Clothes (because I love them), books and art (because we all love these). Every June and Jan, Husband and I literally take a trash bag room to room and will remove any item that has not been touched or loved in the last six months. What is removed is given to goodwill. The kids and the Husband make a big production out of the process of this donation. The kids have been watching and absorbing. Over the years, I think the kids will learn to live with only what gives them the most pleasure to be around. Ofcourse for right now the kids continue to keep thier million Barbies and Stomp Rockets and whatnot. Those trash bags arnt in use in the kids rooms... for now!

My father, an ex military man has a phrase he likes to use... shipshape. It means that whatever you have must be in the best working order, else it goes out the door. A great mantra for decluttering material or non material things from lives.

About generosity. Because the kids had not quite understood the power of money and how to be generous with it until now, we allowed them to build a sense of empathy with the less fortunate by doing things that didnt involve money. Things they could do by themselves. For example daughter said she could help sick kids by growing her hair for locks of love (hair over 10 inches is donated for wigs for kids with cancer). Son doesnt get that yet but he will... especially when we come to India in Aug and he notices the street children conciously for the first time. My daughter was reduced to tears on our last visit and she had so many questions which needed honest answers. This time I want her to start interacting with them in some way. I dont want the interaction to have a patronising flavor at all. I would like her to meet them as equals. She will learn and be helped by them in ways perhaps different from what they will learn from her, but it needs to be and will be a meeting of equals. (Any suggestions of how she can do that on a short term basis in Pune/Mumbai will be most appreciated). Groups the kids belong to, like Scouting is also a great avenue for them to learn to do things for the community. The kids need to learn that there are people who have much less than them. I hope it will make them appreciate thier good fortune later on.

There is a long way to go and much time to do it in... it is a process. And I am still learning myself!

Manmohan se Pyaar Hai!

2009-07-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

She wrung her manicured hands, sindoor streaking down her Jolen bleached forhead, tears streaming down red rouged cheeks, her mermaid style draped Manish Malhotra sequined silk sari rippling against her anguished heaving chest.

"NAHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NAHIIIIIIIIIIIII! How am I going to get people to understand its not THAT Manmohan I pine for, its THIS Manmohan"

Arrey yaar, not the sedate blue turbanned sardar in Sadi Dilli, I am talking about Manmohan Tiwari. He occupies my thoughts now!

And you have to ask... who is Manmohan Tiwari??????

That my friends is my guilty pleasure. I spend an hour on youtube every evening catching up with a desi show that has captivated my imagination. Captivated it in a "trainwreck but cant look away" kind of way. It is totally over the top, and sleaziness and drama and every cliche is guaranteed to appear. Even the sets and art direction are totally timepass in a good entertaining OTT way. The cast has a spunky protagonist, poets, wanna bes, mama's boys, social and career climbers, men who look like they will either start a fight or start crying at the drop of a hat/dhoti/sari, a villan and every bollywood cliche you can imagine. It is fun. It is timepass and a good one at that. It makes me laugh and weep by turns. Love it!

The show is "Rakhi Ka Swayamvar". The premise is The Bachelorette but knowing Rakhi and her propensity for drama shama it will have huge chunks of I Love New York. Lethal combination yaaron!

I have linked Part 2 of the first episode. That should set you on the right track to follow the show everyday.

I will be giving you my totally unnessary commentary as often as I can because I am that way... generous to a fault and I like y'all! hehehehe.

So will you watch and weep with me? Youtube is free everyday yaar. You gotta!
.................................................................................

Some unnesecary kuchbhidotcom commentary on the first three episodes follow. Skip this if you havent seen them yet. But come back and read ya hear!!!!!! Else everyone gets spanked!
.................................................................................

Who do I like the best? Thats where Manmohan comes in.

Manmohan Tiwari is T-O-T-A-L-L-Y adorable yaar! He is rocking the Khaike paan banaras walla thing in a lovely earthy and funny way, exactly how Amitabh Bachhan's persona should have stayed before he got all pompous and Harivansh Rai da puttar on us.

Yeah thats it... Manmohan Tiwari is Amitabh Bacchan as Manmohan Desai saw him through a camera lens!

Manmohan Desai... oh dear I added another Mannohan... let me count em... four!

If it was a hindi fillum, Manmohan wins hands down, but I think Rakhi is seeing dhoklas and dollar signs in the form of Elesh. Else she will be happy making paranthas for Cry Baby Face Pappu Punjabi Ingineeeeer Luv.

I dont like Luv one bit. Boring aadmi hai and too ghee and paranthas and mummy da laadla looking. Kaafi cliche type lagta hai. He looks like he drinks coffee at Dpauls at Janpath and goes clubbing in Gurgoan in a Honda City. Boring yaar... sorta like what Hritik Roshan would have been like without a good director.

I do like Elesh. He seems to have spunk and can laugh at himself. Besides I like Canadians cause they like Beer and Hockey and they live in a country with amazing environmental laws. Hehehehe.

As for Rakhi. Ladki smart hai. Us Maharastrian women are not called spunky for nothing :)

Is Shunyata a complete Zero?

2009-07-03T04:49:00.000-07:00

Recently someone... whose mind I respect... wrote about Nirvana and the search for a state of Shunyata... something like tranquility/a state of stillness/balance etc. That is the holy grail for all the thinkers amongst us.

This is what I suggested that Shunyata meant to me. I reproduce it here. Tell me what you think.

...................................................................................

Jaani, those who claim to experience shunyata are tripping on some very good ganja!

Chaos is soooooo not boring. Chaos and unpredictability of circumstance keeps my blood pumping and all of humankind striving for more.

To search for the opposite of chaos would be the death of us as a species. So I would leave the shunyata hunting to the authentic ganja smoking rastas amongst us or perhaps the laziest of navel gazers. I want progress of many kinds. Chaos leads me there.

Male privilege and the little boy

2009-06-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

Recently, Son who is a newly minted 5 year old has been flexing his independence and big boy attitude and defiance quite a bit. It has been quite irritating, but apart from minor corrections, I was hoping for this phase to blow over. Things like this usually do.

This morning at the breakfast table, Son was being extremely uncooperative and quite rude to me and Daughter. Milk and cereal was being spilled, shins were being kicked by excessive swinging of legs, and general defiance was being displayed. Ofcourse I got quite annoyed and told him off. I said that only polite kids were welcome at the table and I expected better behavior from him, since he was a big boy now after his 5th birthday.

He puffed up his puny chest, crossed his arms over his stomach, squinted his eyes and in a very low and growly voice said "But Mom I am male and I can behave like that".

Ofcourse I had to lecture him about how Daddy is a man too and Daddy is very polite. And have you seen any other men we know behave rudely? He listened and we went on to do our morning routine like normal. I hope what I said stuck in his head somewhere.

Where did he learn this from? This very equal opportunity, very liberal home of mine, has no boorish male role models. I cannot imagine his friend's homes being full of rude men. Is this from TV? Where is this from?

I think Daddy needs to have a man to man talk with him!

Aamchi Mumbai is not pretty like Shanghai

2009-06-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog by a well travelled woman where she asks why Mumbai is not pretty, planned, architectural heritage concious or otherwise orderly.
http://blogs.hindustantimes.com/expat-on-the-edge/2009/06/10/what%e2%80%99s-happened-to-mumbai%e2%80%99s-architecture/

My first thought was... perfectly understandable but naive questions.

I can see the horror that an organic Mumbai greets the returning traveller with at the airports or the train stations. I smell it, I feel its grit, it haunts my waking nightmares as I run from one moss grown developers monstrosity to another in the puddles of a Mumbai monsoon. I feel its rough hewn unplanned edges underfoot as I travel the roads of Mumbai. Roads teeming with the weight of the unwashed millions all striving to make a living in this megalopolis. I risk my life crossing the street at Regal cinema or Linking road, barely missing being crushed by the insane traffic chocking narrow roads. This is the reality of Mumbai. No doubt about it.

It is what it is.

As someone with a modicum of a design education, at some level I do mourn the loss of a vernacular motif and am appalled by the general mayhem in planning the city.

However I also realise that Mumbai is an everchanging organism, chameleon like and ever morphing to absorb all its economic migrants and new opportunities for economic growth... both legal and illegal. There are few other cities that have not broken under such pressures as Mumbai has. Its strength lies in this resilience. It is because of this quality that I do not question constantly why Mumbai is not pretty, why Mumbai is not orderly, why Mumbai is not the city of my imaginative dreams.

As a design professional with an education in the vernacular motif of Mumbai, I dont see that Mumbai (yeah its Mumbai, not Bombay) had much vernacular architecture to lose after Mumbai became a metropolis in the early part of the last century. Everything had been lost already.

Mumbai is an organic city. Haphazard in the manner of burgeoning commerical capitals. Planning and controls is for seats of government not for morphing organisms where commerce is king.

To equate Mumbai with European world capitals or even Shanghai is an excercise in idiocy. Not because Mumbai can never aspire to greatness, but because Mumbai is Mosambi to London/Paris/Shanghai's apples or Asian pears or whatever fruit they eat.

Mumbai was not made and nurtured by despots. Mumbai also has greater pressures on it than any city has had for centuries, expect perhaps for Cairo and Mexico City. Mumbai happened for commerce and it continues to happen because of commerce. A great leveller and a very democratic in many ways. Mumbai never had a rigid planners like Hausmann to straighten the “goat paths of paris” and to create vistas with alees. Mumbai did not have a despot looking to place his stamp on the land he ruled. Every European city has for the most part been nutured and beaten into submission by despots. Shanghai has its despotic rulers very much in evidence. Mumbais despots have been salaried Municipal Commisoners that went in and out through a revolving door. That is nature of governance in the city.

Do I wish that Mumbai had more trees and prettier buildings and nothing was taller than the palm trees and we all drank tea with our pinkies in the air? Hell yeah, I do. But that is not the way Mumbai survives. Can we change things? yes and no. No mostly, due to both resources and will and ever increasing pressures on civic services and land.

Wanting things to be like London and Barcelona and Berlin and Shanghai(all of which have execrable architecture alongside the sublime) is for countries with better resourses. Not for mumbai and India as it is now. People need food and employment and standing room first. Yeah, even sleeping room on the pavement sometimes!

To chutiya or not to chutiya?

2009-06-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

On a blog I read today there was a reference to a word that starts with a C and has a H and some dashes for missing letters. It is obviously a word of abuse and I sat for a little bit wondering what it was.

While I drank my morning chai and contemplated how to decorate cupcakes for the birthday barbeque today, I had an epiphany and I realised what the word was. Now ofcourse I had to say it or write it. I simply had to. I had to say the word, and roll it around my tongue and maybe even use it in a sentence or two. Have you ever felt the urge? And how satisfying is that!

HAHAHAHAHAHA... my inner writers tourettes syndrome is forcing me to write the word!!!!
CHUTIYA! CHUTIYAS! MANY CHUTIYAS!
There I typed it. Relief!

I find desi verbal abuse so much more colorful and descriptive than the same words in English. Very satisfying to use them in a desi language. In fact when they are in a regional language they are even more satisfying and sound more... you know... naughty and bad boy/bad girl!

A few years ago on the way to work, the Husband and I were getting onto a very crowded subway car on a hot summer day. We were being pushed and shoved by a group of robust sardars probably newly arrived from India. Not wanting to exit/enter in a orderly fashion was a clue as to how newly arrived they were.

I am not sure who threw out a Chutiya first but the Husband matched them word for word with desi abuse words. There was several minutes of stunned silence. I had to laugh. This very proper and waspy looking bespectacled gora dressed in a suit, matching them... desi gaali for desi gaali. The dichotomy was wonderfully delicious!

As we were leaving the subway car, one of the men leaned forward and said to me in a thick punjabi accent... "Behenji app ne unko gaali sikhaya? Bahot accha laga is desh mein gaali sunke" (Sister, did you teach him these words? It felt good to hear these words, so far from home). I was laughing the rest of the day.

Actually I have never taught him anything like that. I guess his trips to India had stood him in good stead. He just absorbed!

Bed tea (Ugh!) or hand feeding today?

2009-06-12T04:13:00.000-07:00

So I woke early this morning and decided to blow off going to the 5 AM Spin class and 6 AM BootCamp Class and just sat on the couch with my laptop and a cup of chai (no sugar, small concession to no excercise). Will I go to my kick boxing class at 10 AM? Probably not. You see I have a birthday barbeque on the weekend to get ready for. Daughter and Son both had birthdays last week. Like all law abiding American families we reserve all celebrations for the weekend...hehehehehe.

The husband and kids are still sleeping. The house is silent. I can hear the incessant drippy rain. In the dawn light, my plants look sad and drowned. Even the deer that come into the backyard to forage at dawn, looked sad eyed and rain soaked. Sitting here contemplating life and reading blogs. Its been a while!

I read a lot of blogs by men and women in mixed cultural marriages. Desi/desi, desi/nondesi, nondesi/nondesi... the gamut... because I am in a culturally mixed marriage myself. It is very interesting to me, to see how others order and organise thier mixed marriages and lives. There are some blogs by expat men and women who make thier life in India, some of whom are married to desis. It is an eyeopener to read thier thoughts.

You see, I always wonder how my own non desi husband views and experiences desi culture. He can try and explain it to me (Hindi sounds phonetically gutteral to him... HUH?) but there is no way that I will ever see it the way he does. My views are colored by own experience of desi culture. I can never experience seeing my culture through western eyes, never mind how long I live in the west. I would have to negate my entire childhood, and existing ties in India to do that. Do you see why reading these expat blogs is so interesting to me?

There are any number of outstanding blogs in this category. Sharell has a really good one. Do read it.

Anyway, I read an blogpost on this blog about "handfeeding a son". There were many interesting comments all of which must be considered for the cultural context of the commentors. Some very good points were made. A thought provoking post. I have thought long and hard about this one for a very long time. It affects me in very fundamental ways because it says something about where we are as Indian women and where we hope to be in an ever changing world.

Here was my comment on that blogpost. Go on tell me what you think.

"Tradition bound Indian women have had very little decision making power in thier own households especially since they usually also live with thier own traditional inlaws.

The only power they have is perhaps over thier own children and they sure do weild that power robustly. Thier sons have also traditionally been thier long term care insurance. What better way to make sure that insurance is active and well, than to bind the child to them with shows of affection and pampering… hand feeding is just one the symptoms. An overt show of affection. It is something that has become an essential part of the fabric of a traditional Indian womans life. Are the sons totally to blame for becoming despotic, lazy gits? Not entirely. It is a product of thier memories and traditions. It is culture.

Personally I dont expect Indian men to conform to what western men do, when in the Indian cultural context… if they are a product of and still live in that environment. I know that my own mother would like it, if my husband lay around and was subjected to overt displays of fawning attention by me and her… as wife and motherinlaw… when he visits India. However he aint getting any of that buster! Because thats not the way my own household works.

Does all this annoy me? Sure it does, it makes me crazy because I know and have experienced the alternate reality. Is it unfair to expect a woman to labor for a lazy git? Ofcourse it is. However I cannot expect people who have never even imagined another way of life to conform to my expectations of behavior. They will all learn for themselves when thier own shoes bite. It will happen… in centuries perhaps, but change is inevitable.

In the big scheme of things, hand feeding a son, or making him chai (I hate that bed tea thing … stinky breath) is small potatoes, compared to being able to make decisions about killing or keeping thier female children and having access to healthcare and being treated humanely when widowed. If my son will support me in these endevours, I will hand feed you for life and make you a million cups of tea. Those are the real choices many, many Indian women face."

"HDKBDimpledDarling-united India-in-voting-for-a-majority-for-a-party-thereby-making-sure-there-is-a-stable-government-for-5-years"

2009-05-31T05:49:00.000-07:00

SAY THAT FAST 15 TIMES. SAY IT AND BELIEVE THE TRUTH! BOLO JI, BOLO! ALL TOGETHER NOW.....

As I see it, Hamarey desh ka beta, the dimpled darling is still being kept on a leash. So sad na? So sad for us actually.

Party mascot and all is just fine, but I would like for him to take up a position where he is ACTUALLY ACCOUNTABLE to the people who vote for what he represents. Party positions are completely meaningless (party president/"working for the youth"/party peon) unless he is accountable to taxpayers and voters. Let him head (or frankly even just work on) a commission/body/movement/even chotta mota ministry that is publicly funded and produces a report, or a quantifiable report or result. Let him show his mettle in political and administrative skirmishes. Let people ask him questions about performance. Let us be the judge of whether he knows what is involved in actually running India. Being annointed scion means more than sleeping on charpois, mild mannered sensible answers... which is expected, not exceptional... at interviews, a carefully written speech or two in parliament and a carefully orchestrated image campaign.

To say in broad strokes that "HDKBDimpledDarling-united India-in-voting-for-a-majority-for-a-party-thereby-making-sure-there-is-a-stable-government-for-5-years-to-ensure-projects-get-done" may be statistically true. By the way can you say that Mantra 15times fast just so you will memorise it and always believe that truth?

However that fact is no different for example from Kareena Kapoor being the face for a condom advertising campaign and making said campaign successful. It says nothing about how Kareena Kapoor is managing the condom sales or the supply chain for increased condom production due to projected increased sales or whether Kareena knows how to negotiate for a good price for latex. Because you see Kareena Kapoor is not actually designing or producing or touching the condom you are going to be using. There... I probably dashed the hot dreams of a few people!

But politics is like that. It can be completely divorced from governance. It can be divorced from the people being admininstered. It can be far removed from the nitty gritty of managing how to make your and my life better or even not letting our lives slide backwards. That is what I fear the Congress Party and the personality cult of Dimpled Darling have done to us. It is "team mascotgiri", without the player going on the field and sweating and coming up bruised and scratched but with quantifiable points. He has not even been in political skirmishes yet, never mind governance ones.

Do we make leeway for his "inexperience and youth"? To be perfectly honest the man is a "chaalis saal ka ghoda" hardly a youth or someone who still needs training! At his age, exceptional people should have already shown thier true mettle and shown what skill set they are capable of. Apart from image, "party mascotgiri" and non quantifiable "working for the youth" I am not seeing the very obvious markers of what will make him an exemplary future leader of a billion people.

And yes, I expect EXEMPLARY indicators from someone who accepts his annointment as the future PM with so much entitlement. He needs to be good, better than good, he needs to exceptional. He needs for us to see what he is capable of. Nay, we should demand to see that, before we start genuflecting to yet another restructed generation of the Nehru/Gandhi Political Enterprises Limited. Yeah, I said Limited, because it is literally that! It becomes even more Limited when we begin to say Brand Rahul is Brand India.

Competion Aisa Hota Hai

2009-04-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

This was emailed to me. I thought you folks might get a giggle out of it.

LOOK AT THE VISUAL BOTTOM TO TOP.
I think you can click on it to make it bigger and more easily readable.

Idher Udher ka inconsequential and gossipy stuff

2009-04-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

This is a totally disjointed but gossipy post. I have been commenting on so many blogs that I completely neglected my own. I promise not to do that again.

My punishment?

a)50 Lashes with a very wet noodle?

b)Spanking?

Please say B ... spanking, I might enjoy it more than you want me to. Hehehehe

So here goes my take on all kinds of silly stuff...

Samajwadi party candidate Nafisa Ali, Hottie SRK and Gavaskar's silly debate about cricket and captains and coaches, Miss India's past and present. Bilkul capsule mein. Chota Chota thoughts that I also expressed on another blog.

I will deal with esistential, meaning of life posts later!!!!

Nafisa is a good polo wife. Karisma is becoming a good polo wife. Both are stylish. Both are lightweights at anything else. Enough said. Any questions?

Why did I bring Karisma into it? Frankly I have no idea, but I think Karisma is going to grow up to become Nafisa with more makeup. Really what else can I say about Nafisa and her social activism and her politics. My admiration for her swimming medals, her impressive early forays into writing and the movies, everything is khalaas. Abhi its just bad politics and kissy face with that hot old man Richard Gere.

I dont follow cricket... sorry Baba (my dad follows the game rabidly). I think I stopped following it when the cute looking guys my age stopped playing and got fat.

SRK is a Marwari in disguise. His game is about his brand name. Gavaskar likes the traditional game with white flannels and tea breaks. Never the twain shall meet. The game leaves me cold, so atleast I can enjoy thier sniping at each other. Fight! Fight!

Miss Indias are all bekaar. Boring as hell and with terrible convent school accents. Sabira Merchant as language coach, needs to correct this and then thier diction and speech cadence before Jamuna Pai and Co start "whitening" thier skin. I wish they would all speak in a normal bazaar accent and stop talking about Mother Teresa and world peace. The looks only go so far.

And Sushmita and Ash really were not all that fantastic either. Same crappy mold when they were in the contest. Its what they did with thier fame later that made them stand out.

Ohhh I think I need to go workout to restore my good humor!

More about my workouts later folks. Yes, I am being a good girl. Very good. Making myself a very spankable bottom!

You would think...

2009-03-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

that I would update the blog!!!!!!!!

I should and I will.

Today... urrrrmmm.... tomorrow.... I promise I will. Need to catch my breath first.

Let me just say, thank you to all of you who care and wished me solace in these past few weeks. Thank you, I appreciate all your words of wisdom and comfort.

I am all better. We are all better.

I will be back.. tomorrow.

Until then, go get a wild colored and happy looking drink in an outlandish glass and a good book and start your weekend early. All three things are good for the soul.

Bereft

2009-02-27T10:07:00.000-08:00

Silenti etc mos usquequaque exsisto memor.
The dead will always be remembered.

My friend succumbed his life to illness today 3.30 AM. I have a huge, huge, huge hole in my life suddenly.

This morning I had two surreal shopping experiences. I was at a grocery store at 5 am to buy Basil (tulsi) to put on his mouth where his last breath came from. I also went shopping for a brand new suit for him to wear for his funeral tomorrow. He looks shrunken inside it already.

Jai Ho!

2009-02-22T20:57:00.000-08:00

Does NOT get any cuter than this! Just adorable.

Picture courtesy my most favorite desi style blog.... www.highheelconfidential.com

I was so happy to see Slumdog sweep the oscars. Perhaps it will now be possible to atleast start a dialog about a more democratic society, about the haves and havenots and the deep divide between them.

Congratulations to AR Rahman. What a richly deserved award. Not just for this movie but for his entire body of extra ordinary work

In other news...

Frieda's dress was lovely.

I am glad the desi actors did not wear desi clothes. They wore the clothes that would market them appropriately on a world stage as working actors.

I wish I were skinny and could wear Anne Hathaway's cream pailette sequined dress.

Sophia Loren looked tranny.

Penelope Cruz annoys me and I did not think her role in Vicki Christina Barcelona was worth an award.

Jack Black makes me realise that men who make me laugh are hot.

Sean Penn and his angst is just plain hot and he does not have to make me laugh.

Thats all folks.

Brownian motion, totally random

2009-02-19T00:10:00.000-08:00

So now we go on to doing something else other than fixating on the gloom and doom of my last post.

Here is totally frivolous post about random things about me.

I got tagged by DeeplyDip over in Sandy Dubai.

Here are the rules for the tag.

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. Send the person who tagged you, a link to your tag.

When I tag folks it's because I want to know more about you. Also, I am probably bored of gazing at my own navel and want to gaze at yours.

So .... All my readers and blogdosts (great term though I did not coin it), I tag everyone who can sit down long enough to do it. It is because I want to gaze at ALL your navels.

I will now bare my midriff and you can gaze at my navel now.

1. I can crack all my toes and fingers. Very Loudly. Okay TMI... moving on.

2. I get regular manicures and pedicures. I dont like nail polish on my own very short fingernails but my toe nails are always painted.

3. I am a makeup junkie. I have drawersfull of makeup, mostly unopened. Sephora is my favorite store in the Mall.

4. I own exactly 131 pairs of shoes. Yes, I counted yesterday.

5. My shoes are neatly placed heel to toe in see through boxes. I drill air holes in the boxes. The boxes have to be from Container Store. No other brand will do.

6. My closets are very, very neat. Always. On the pain of death. Yes, death!

7. My favorite chore is scrubbing bathtubs and showers. I do my deep thinking when I am scrubbing. Yes, I do windows and clean toilets too. And yes, I scrub all the bathrooms every single day. I have much thinking to do obviously. Else I am just OCD. Take your pick.

8. I love my Roomba. I really do. I have Roomba love.

9. I love to do laundry. Love it, love it. Something about folding crisp, sweet smelling clothes is very orgasmic.

10. My idea of bliss is rolling around naked in " warm just out of the drier" cotton sheets.

11. My sheets must always be atleast 400-600 count long staple egyptian cotton. Yes, they must be Wamsutta brand and they must be bought with the 20% off coupon from Bed and Bath.

12. I do not buy anything if it is not on sale. And yes, I always look online for a coupon before I shop.

13. I have been called cheap and penny pinching before. It is in my DNA I think. I also married a man with WASP New England parsimony in his DNA. We make a fine pair.

14. I play tennis with little technique but great enthusiasm. I bash that ball very hard. Yeah, not subtle, but effective. Works for most things in my life.

15. I was a competitive swimmer and track athlete as a young teen, and probably had a future in amateur athletics. But then I discovered boys! Being chased by them was more fun.

16. I have been told by more than one person that I am exactly like Elaine from Seinfeld. Yeah, I know that was completely random.

17. I like to cook. I do, I do, just not everyday. Just for fancy entertaining.

18. I like perfume and collect it in droves. Unfortunately, I cannot wear any. The husband is extremely allergic to perfume. I can only look longingly at all my bottles.

19. I am not a trained gemmologist but have been around gem knowledgable people all my life. I can usually tell the quality of gems at a glance. And yes, I like emeralds and diamonds.

19. The husband and I are always looking to add to our collection of folk art from around the world. The collection was started by my inlaws and we are sort of inheriting it.

20. I love textiles and collect them when I can. I especially like to collect antique saris.

21. I desperately want an authentic antique parsi garaa sari. I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want. I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want.I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want.I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want.I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want.I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want. You can tell I am desperate. I already have the emerald brooch to wear it with.

22. If you want me to like you, show me good manners and remember to say thank you and please. I dont like boorish people and will cut you off in a second. Yep, superficial that way.

23. I am very involved in womens issues and legislation. I am involved in the political life of my little town. Yeah, mostly as the crazy woman with the imposible demands and loud voice at Council meetings!

24. I once saved a friend from drowing. Yes, really. Pulled her out of the sea, pumped water out of her and all that drama.

25. I am a cancer survivor. Yes, survivor. So everyone dont forget to self exam your entire body and get all the preventive checks you can! Eat cabbage, and carrots and broccoli and love yourself!

Heavy

2009-02-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

Heavy with love, with guilt, with regret, with happiness.

A male friend is terminally ill. At the hospital a few days ago, I sat all day at the foot of his bed amidst beeping machines and tubing and needles and the detritus of modern medicine. We whispered to each other, gaining mutual comfort by reminding ourselves of our connection through childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and careening through careers and marriages. We talked of the good times and the disasters that befell us. We talked about my longstanding marriage and children and his brief trainwreck of a marriage. We talked of significant things and frivolous things. We talked about career worries and how he regrets not taking the path less travelled. As long as I have known him since the age of ten, he had secretly wanted to do something with his innate artistic ability. Instead he became a physician... a healer. Ironic though, a physician who cannot save himself now. We laughed a bit and also cried. We cried a lot actually. He said that he had end of life issues to resolve and I had to know something. He told me that he has been in love with me for years, decades even.

I am left a confused mass of feelings. Rib crushing emotion that does not allow me to process except the basics.

Is regret allowed? My regret for crossed signals in my heady rush to embrace life as a young adult. My regret for not stopping long enough to hear what my gut was saying to me. For not being there when he needed to be understood by me. My regret that he never said out loud what needed to be when the time was right. My regret for thinking that I knew him, when I did not. My regrets for... I am not even sure what the regrets are for anymore.

Wondering with curiousity at what might have been. Is this even allowed?

What is allowed? Now. Today and here as I watch his tenous hold on life becoming weaker; as he deals with unending pain. His death is hastening as he is no longer accepting treatment.

In the most fundamental of ways I never understood him. My best friend but I did not know him. Is regret allowed for not really knowing him?

Is telling the husband about this new knowledge allowed? To what end?

Is guilt allowed for wanting to return the same measure of love while he is still here. But to what end?

However yesterday surrounded by the glow and warmth of friends and family as we enjoyed a celebration valentines dinner... my children by my knee and the husbands arm around my shoulders, I smiled. I was surrounded and carried aloft by so much love, even his. Yes, even his. I will accept the secret burden of his love because because it is his gift to give me. My new secret love. My best friend who I will have to part with soon.

Dense and heavy. His love. His gift to me.

Of marketing, loving and losing

2009-02-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Last night the kids and I made valentines for thier classmates. My daughter has 18 in her first grade class and my son has 22 in his 4 year old preschool class. Oh my, a grand total of.... 40. Not elaborate valentines, but the usual printed card that you tape a lollipop to.

Daughter wants girlie High School Musical valentines and Son wants Kung Fu Panda valentines. Ofcourse Disney only makes boxes of 16 count valentines. VERRRRRRRY ANNOYING. Heck, Disney with its elaborate market surveying strategies knows approximately how many kids there are in an average class. But clever marketing Disney elves somewhere in the swamps of Orlando or wherever decide to license only 16 count boxes of thier most popular cards. So now guess what! We buy more boxes and have a ton of cards to waste. Ofcourse next year we will go through this excercise all over again because there will be atleast two more Disney movies with new characters that must be merchandised. Clever fellas those elves!

Oh and in other Disney elf marketing thuggery... three days ago my son saw an ad on the Disney channel for EGGS! What is an egg commercial doing on a kids channel? Apparantly they dont take thier ... you must be 18 or older to order (or whine to mom about)... very seriously.

Pristine white eggs each emblazoned with the Disney mickeymouse ears. The commercial showed a happy family at a breakfast table, waiting for eggs made by a happy smiling mom. Mom ofcourse was cooking perfect Mickey Mouse shaped eggs. Now my kids want those eggs. Yeah, even my egg allergic daughter! So we will go to the grocery store looking for these eggs which are sold at a premium price. Thankgoodness there is a candy free aisle that we can be checked out through. Oh look, I forgot, the candy free aisle has the mickey mouse balloons flying at full mast, and look below the balloons... the disney character tattoos too, for my kids to whine over!

And you thought that spending 5000 bucks for a week at Orlando for a family of four was enough contribution to the Disney Corporation! All that nonsense about 1600 for a family of four that disney advertises is not realistic at all. Ofcourse you will spend 5000.

Thats it, we are not going back to Orlando until the kids are teens! They liked the rides and all but seriously all they really wanted to do was go back to the hotel and swim in the pool. For that I could have booked into the local comfort inn for $100 and had the kids swim in hotel pool! Its not even like the kids are pool deprived during the winter. We swim every weekend at the local Y!

What will we do on Valentine's day? Not much really. The husband will probably give me the regulation box of candy, which will be eaten by the kids. Dad and Mom will give kids a prettily wrapped up Globe.... yes very educational and practical. Meet up with another family with kids and we will all eat dinner at a local Italian restaurant where the kids can make a little noise. Then we will come home, put the kids to bed and watch the rest of JOHN ADAMS dvd's... a must see HBO miniseries. More about John Adams in a future post.

That my friends is how people who have been quite happily married 20 years and have young kids celebrate Valentines day. Family, hugs and kisses and political drama.

About Losing...

Two friends are in the process of losing marriages. The marriages are almost gone, lost but not over. One couple is desi and one is not desi. Both have similar issues of emotional neglect and the miseries and retaliatory issues that arise from neglect. Very painful. Most painful is that both families will probably just have to continue to live together and torture and be tortured. Money is a powerful detterent to making a clean break. It is hard to face a future without when you have had enough. It takes a lot of courage, help and desperation especially when you have kids to support in an "acceptable" upwardly mobile manner. I want to help and make it all go away magically and have everyone live happily ever after. I know I cannot do that. all I can do now, is listen.

Of losing some more...

I have been good, about eating before I get really hungry and not eating fast and greedily. I have been working out, but it hurts! Really, it hurts. Used the elliptical trainer at home for an hour every night and I had a couple of boot camp style workouts with a Marine type of hard body fella with an extreme crew cut. He barked very loudly at us and called us pussies for stopping to catch our breath. I learnt to box away at a weighted bag and managed to swing it about half an inch. Okay half an inch is better than the bag knocking me over... right? Havent stepped on the scale yet. I am afraid to be dissapointed.

Oy Ve ... full disclosure and a promise to myself.

2009-02-03T13:30:00.000-08:00

Okay so I am not in the shape I would like to be. At some not so distant time, in a galaxy far away, I was actually very athletic. Very! I was very, very, strong, taut, fast and had wonderful balance. Today... not so much.

In the past six years, I did have two wonderfully happy excuses for my weight gain and one traumatic one. The traumatic excuse literally kept me off my feet in bed for about 5 months and much emotional eating followed when I was recovering from all the things that modern medicine did to save my life. After that the happy excuses kept me on my feet and eating thier many, many, many leftovers.

I am not obese, but I am like they say back in the motherland "khatey peetey ghar ki ladki" (you can tell the family is not starving). There are jiggles and the weight is no longer in the right places. Okay, you twisted my arm so full disclosure... I could lose about 30 lbs and not look completely skin and bones. My work is sedentary and I am not the most energetic and dedicated housekeeper, so I dont think I am using as many calories as I eat. I dance ballet but I am no prima ballerina to be sweating like a piggy at every dance class. I merely glow.

I dont like to diet. No I dont. I get cranky at being denied anything. I rave and rant and get into a snit when I am hungry.

So what do I need to do?

I need to eat sensibly in a manner that can be a lifetime habit. This part is hard. Very hard and it makes me whimper in self pity,

Like a cartoon I saw... I have metal fillings in my teeth and my refrigerator magnets keep pulling me back into the kitchen. Thats why I cannot lose weight.

I also need to work out. I can work out. I love to work out. Today I went to a pro athlete sports place and I did a work out there. I could. I ACTUALLY COULD. I STAYED THE COURSE. I beat out a half marathon running friend in the stamina stakes. Okay I am bit competitive.

YAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
GIMME MY MEDAL!

Well that was just the first time.

Done.

So I have 30 lbs to loose and to be in the healthiest shape of my life by August.

Done.

It has been said and so it shall be done. etc etc etc.

I need y'all to be my cheering squad!

And the winner is.....

2009-02-02T15:53:00.001-08:00

DRUMROLL PLEASE!

OXY! OXY! OXY! Your answer was right on the mark! Congratulations!
Folks go check out Oxy over here.

It is YAUTIA. Atleast thats what the sign said at the grocery store.

Sort of like Taro root I suppose. I hear it tastes more nutty than like potatoey (is that even a word).

Some information about Yautia is at one of my favorite recipe resources here.

A recipe for yautia soup is here.

A recipe for yautia cooked with fish is here.

I am going to try the fish recipe and post pictures.

So OXY the floor is yours for the next Riddle me this!

Riddle me this

2009-02-01T06:57:00.001-08:00

One fine day when I was checking out

http://pinkdogwood.blogspot.com/

and I happened upon a picture of one of my most favorite crunchy foods and it didn't take me long to guess what it was. Well, what do you know - I won the contest and here is my turn to post something that others have to guess.

You have to:
find something stranger than strange and,
post it on their blog within the next two weeks.

The quiz remains open for at least 1 day and at the most 2 days.

The person who guesses it correctly gets the torch and is the next host for Riddle Me This.

If the person who guesses correctly is the previous host, then that person will get to pick someone to pass the buck to from all those who made a guess.

And so on.

Please use the fabulous logo, also designed by Manisha, and link back to the host who passed the baton on to you.

Please do your best to keep this alive. Just think of how much fun it will be!

So I am posting pictures of something that I found interesting. Well I had never seen it before. But then I have pretty much lived under a rock.

Assuming you have been out and about in the world, can you guess?

The pencil is shown for scale.

Homage to....

2009-01-24T08:23:00.001-08:00

Abba's Mama Mia!

This is like a family anthem around our house. The kids trill it all day long. Why I even caught the husband singing it under his breath in the shower.

The movie was such a delight. We laughed, we cried (okay I did), and we totally got caught up in the celebration that is Mama Mia the movie.

I remember watching THE ABBA MOVIE movie, oh so long ago when I was a preteen I think. New Excelsior or Sterling. Smuggled in Vithals Bhel. Sweaty hand holding with objects of our affection. Giggly girls and boys. Even getting dressed for the movie was an adventure. I actually wore too big, borrowed, plastic white gogo boots under my bell bottomed jeans in the Mumbai heat! I was Annifrid incarnate!

And yes I sang all the songs. Badly.

But no one sings more enthusiastic covers than these people.
I specially love it when WING SINGS!

wing sings mama mia

Here is an innovative bunch of Danish (I think) musicians.
I guess there are more uses for bottles than just drinking wine from!

Inflastikas spiller mamma

And then ofcourse the original

Abba sings Mama Mia

Do let me know if you have other interesting versions of this song.

Looking into mirrors with a friend

2009-01-21T06:28:00.000-08:00

The last couple of months I have been watching a lot of movies. More movies per day than ever in my life. Amidst the comforts of my home or at a close friends home. There is always heavily buttered popcorn on hand and padded ottomans and footstools to rest cramped legs on. There are familiar looking blankets to snuggle into and silk sofa cushions to hide my face in when the scary or sad bits come on the screen. Comfortable viewing conditions. Comfortable conditions for heart to heart conversations with my friend.

You see, my friend is a screen writer and former film studio executive. She has given up her high intensity and very competitive, movie deal making life for a short while. She is concentrating on her own writing and enjoying being with her growing children. One day in the near future she will go back to the craziness of Hollywood. Right now she is taking a well deserved break, that is turning out to be very creatively productive.

She is part of the screen writers guild (some long official name). Thus she has the privilge to sometimes vote for nominations and/or then the winners for the Oscars and other awards. You remember the "members of the academy" thanked by the gold statuette clutching winners on the podium? Well, she is one of those. Pretty fun job I thought!

As is usual before Awards season, big stacks of dvd's arrived for her viewing and voting pleasure. Some movies barely released, and some had been around for the year.

And so we watched movies, and talked about them and related them to our lives. From her I learned something about movie deal making and screen writing. Rewound some movies to watch parts she wanted to examine some more before making decisions. And then we talked movies and about our lives some more.

It was revealing how many confessions we blurted out, some shocking, some worrying, some even happy. We talked of worries and hopes and dreams and yet more worries.

We watched the actors on screen cry, laugh, love, breakup, be dissatistfied with life, be faithful or not, lie, cheat, steal and commit other crimes, be nasty, be angelic . How many of those emotions we had felt and things we had done that could have been pulled off the screen and placed in our lives without change!

One of the movies we watched was Changeling with Angelina Jolie in the lead. My friend has known and worked with that actress in a strictly professional capacity since Angelina first started in the movies as a very young ingenue. She told me of how she has seen the actress's persona emerge and evolve as girl to woman and as a working professional. She told me how the actress's choice of roles has kept pace with that evolution. Something that I had never before given thought to.

Suddenly, I understood why she took up this movie at this stage of her life.

This role could only have been done by a mother. This is more than just Method acting at work.

It is a movie that I found very difficult to watch as a mother. I have experienced the joys and pains that my own children expose me to. I know the gut wrenching love a mother can have for her progeny. I have never actually experienced the awful aftermath of being seperated from a child but I have and continue to struggle with the fear of going away from my children forever. I can relate. Yes, I can. For the first time I could talk about that with a trusted friend. And then we both cried some more.

My fears are a story for another time.

And to think that we say that movies dont relate at all to our lives!

Historic day!

2009-01-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

Today is a historic day. I am so happy to see Obamas inauguration as the President of the United States of America. I am happy to see the rituals of a democracy.

I am repeating a post from November below. It feels right to do that today. Hope and a tinge of some cynicysm.

This is a piece I wrote the night of Obama's victory and I watched him make his gracious and hopeful speech at Grant Park in Chicago.

As the inauguration nears I pause and reflect at the long way American cultural and political mores have come.

Obama Wins!

So my main girl Hillary was not even in the running and I voted for the alternative. But… what an alternative! My muffin man! Yes, I am shallow that way! And yes, he has a simmering low-key hotness that I think is just super.Hotness aside, I am going to be all stream-of-consciousness while I write down some thoughts about the Great Election. No editing, just what I feel. Some cynicism tempered by a sprinkling of hope. A pinch of salt, to balance the sugar or vice versa… whatever makes your pie taste great!

I took my 6 year old daughter into the voting booth, to press the button after my final selections were made. With great gusto, she thumped on the Vote button and ran out of the curtained booth shouting “Mommy voted for Obama”. There were a few cheers, and a few boos but it was all good. I was in my own familiar territory, upper middle class and privileged and amongst friends and neighbors. People who seemingly could ride out 4 years without being decimated whatever the final outcome of the election.

I followed my child out of the polling place somewhat embarrassed by her exuberance but proud that she is on the vanguard of a time and generation where democracy will mean more of a genuine equal chance for a half brown person like her.

She was so excited when we (she punched the button) voted for Hillary in the Primaries. To her 6 year old mind, a woman President was a wonderous thing. She was disappointed when I told her this time around we would not vote for a woman, but the excitement she felt at the process of voting remained the same. Obama didn’t mean much to her, but his name rhymed nicely and was cool name to say and chant. He wasn’t a woman but for her it was enough to be able to punch the Vote button and be a part of the voting process. I pray that she will always be able to punch that vote button without fear or favor.

This flawed but essentially wonderful concept that is democracy will shape her future in good ways. It will always allow her to dream the big dreams, and to believe her dreams can really come true!

To many (I happily hasten to add... not all) white Americans who voted for him, Obama was”just black enough” to be their own special symbol of liberalism. He plays just enough basketball, wasn’t too dark in color, spoke no Ebonics, or had any lasting relationships with traditional black power groups. He is educated, and very importantly had a mother and grandparents who looked just like them. His wife does not braid her hair or have a name which ended with a “sha” or “ta”. Oprah and Colin Powell are his friends, rather than P Diddy and Snoop Dogg and he doesn’t call everybody Girlfriend or Brotha. He probably smoked weed as a student, just like them and wasn’t afraid to inhale. He was in effect “not scary”. For them, Obama was the best first baby step towards a more equitable equation for a racially and economically divided America. Voting for him made them feel good about themselves and their own evolution as thinking people.

For the people of color, (and that by definition includes me, doesn’t it?) it was a very passionate vote. For older African Americans who have experienced the sting of overt racism and have seen how long it takes for change to come about, electing Obama was mostly a symbol of the culmination of their long held hopes and desires. For the younger lot however they were voting not just for a symbol; they were voting for their immediate hopes. It was about decayed inner cities and racial profiling and economic hardship and fathers in jail and breakdown of traditional family structures and most importantly of being on the dole and losing your home. It was about being able to buy groceries without public assistance and paying the mortgage or rent next month and their sons and daughters not becoming cannon fodder in the army because they couldn’t get another well paying job without the right accent or dressing the part of the upwardly mobile.

I wonder how it will play out… these very separate agendas. Very disparate but all so necessary to the conditions that America sees today.

White America is somewhat smugly satisfied that Black America has been appeased. A little self congratulatory back patting is in order. After all White America helped to vote in the Black President and symbol and that there should be no further complaining about racial discrimination or affirmative action. You have your guy, now enough! No more whining and really you are not going to get anymore sops!

Black America wants all their troubles to disappear with the waving of this magic wand. Of course, Obama is going to make it all happen. They will see good times en masse.Everyone who voted Democrat this time around wants their mortgages paid, their retirement accounts brought back to health and for the war to go away. Obama will make that happen too. And he is also supposed to make it happen in 4 years!Can he?

As I see it, the situation will get worse in the short term, before it gets better. But it will get better. After all a start has been made, a new goal has now at least been visualized. The route to that goal still remains to be examined and seen. That will take time.

A child of color or a poor child can now truly believe that he can become the President. After all there is one like him up there. But will the path to that spot be self evident or even open for a long, long, long while? Will a child who knows no privilege right now, know what to do to get there?That my friends will take a very long time. A beginning has been made, but there are many who are going to be disappointed in the short term.

Obama has inherited a thankless job in the worst possible circumstances. So can Obama sustain interest in his vision and sustain support long enough to be the change he seeks? 4 years is too short to do all he seeks to do. He is going to have to be more than clever to do that. He will have to be very, very lucky.I want to send him my lucky Ganesh ring. He needs it. Very badly!

Heir and spare

2009-01-15T14:10:00.000-08:00

So the news today says that Rahul Gandhi will contest the elections and his sister Priyanka Vadra... once upon a time heir apparant... will not.

Hmmmm.... lets put our thinking caps on.

Given the history of the Gandhi family, this is very good strategy and smart thinking. One person gets to sully his hands in the business of politics. Someone in the wings keeps thier hands clean. When the political fall comes, as it will and has in the past, the pristine one takes over to keep the seat warm until previous heir redeems himself by allowing pliant aides to take the blame. Long live the King and Long live the Kingdom!

The heir and the spare. And they can play switcheroo too!

Hamari Italian Bahu (HIB) has kept the seat warm for too long. She shall now reign as Empress Dowager.

I am curious what happens when Rahul finally marries that long suffering Columbian (or is it Venezuelan) woman kept quiet in the wings. Will we also get Hamari Columbian Bahu? All these Hamari Gandhi Bahus are making me forget all my geography!

And if you want a belly laugh or a quiet chuckle at some cleverly done comic strips go see this site: http://www.flyyoufools.com/

And ofcourse you must not miss this fun desi comics site. This one even does bollywood films as comics. How fun is that! http://thecomicproject.blogspot.com/.

Nuff Said!

2009-01-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

Like I said... NUFF SAID! Hehehehehe.

I want to be one of those... Atim Bums!

Oh and are Chammak Challos allowed to be Haseenas too?

Ps. AneelaZ thanks for reminding me about this one. Always lurved this image!

Your post about sexual violence (and by implication gender inequities) was interesting and a subject we need to read and write about more often.

Everyone go read http://golkamra.blogspot.com/ An AtimBum is ordering you to!

Toast with Olive oil and Tomato

2009-01-12T07:32:00.001-08:00

Yes, that is what I am eating. Regular Toast, drip extra virgin Olive Oil on it and grated tomato with salt and pepper. Poor mans Bruschetta but soooooo good. A friend in Spain made this for me one summer morning and it has remained my favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack since.

Why do I eat this?

Oh to celebrate!

Celebrate what you ask, my chickadees?

Celebrate the hottness that is SRK. Even if he did wear a sequinned tie inside his unbuttoned shirt, even if his hairline looked painted on and even if he had been too generous with the spray tanner ( or was it just too much make up). He was fun, witty and appeared relaxed when he presented at the GG's. He was truly represnting!!!

Bollywood can only benefit from this kind of exposure.

I am so glad Slumdog Millionaire won the accolades that it did. It deserved everyone of the them and then some.

For those who complained that it was "the generic western movie about India", I have this to say, atleast someone made a watchable movie about the reality that is India. A movie with wit and genuine heart. It told a tale set in India, that people across the world can easily relate to. Cinema needs to be understood the first time it is seen. It does not need reference books to be consulted after the fact. Slumdog did all this.

I hope they dont change a thing in the hindi version of the movie. It is the directors complete work as it is now. It beats with his heart right now. "Cleansing it" and/or makeing it more palatable for the desi audience to accept and appreciate will be doing this very distinct view a disservice.

Danny Boyle showed India as it is.

The India that middle class desis would like the West to see... exists but it is a real and tangible India for that class only. This class of people includes you and me and even the rich and everyone who can afford to see the movie without thought to thier next meal.

The fact is that there are more people who face odds in making a daily living than do not. It takes going away from the milieu to sensitise to inequity again and then coming back to the country to realise that most middle class urban people in India live on an intellectual island that only they have entry to... where thier patch of the sky remains a money green (or whatever color desi money comes in now). And no I do not believe for one minute that the west is only obsessed with seeing poverty in "Have not nations". I say that they are willing to see it ALSO.

People who "have" would much rather just have the "havenots" be hidden away in thier place in the outhouse. And poverty is not a disease. Dont worry you wont catch it if you see the movie. Poverty is just a symptom of a disease, that of indifference. Hiding the symptom does not make it go away.

And MadInMumbai, I have not forgotten. I have asked for Pixote and Salaam Bombay to be sent to me, will report on that later on.

In which my Kaleja is on fire!

2009-01-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

My kaleja is on FIRE....Sunjay Dutt as LS candidate from Lucknow from the SP party!

I am surprised he isnt being fielded from Azamgarh where most of the gun running and murdering "disaffected" youth have come from recently. He would represent them perfectly... like really represent!

What next... Kasab as South Mumbai LS candidate? He has been there for a while in jail so has he got his ration card and drivers license from there already?

Talking back is important

2009-01-07T13:40:00.001-08:00

I got some emails that folks who did not have google accounts were not able to comment on my blog posts.

Sorry about that folks. I am sort of new to blogging and am learning something new everyday.

I have just fixed the problem. Anonymous comments are welcome too. If you would like to comment anonymously but wish to carry forward a dialog on a particular point, please feel free to email me @ anotherkiraninnyc@gmail.com or leave your own email address in your comment.

I love comments and feedback and want to know all points of view as long as sometimes we can agree to disagree!

When Gretel ate the Witch's candy house...

2009-01-06T16:38:00.000-08:00

How does one tell a neighbour that her daughter might have an eating disorder/is plain greedy/really needs attention (choose your diagnosis)? Does one? Do I keep my counsel? Do I reexamine my own prejduces before I attempt amateur diagnosis? What do I do?

One of my daughters playmates is a very bright, incredibly social and portly little girl, precocious in all senses beyond her tender chronological age. The kid comes over all the time and eats dinner with us atleast 2 or 3 times a week. I keep an eagle eye on the girls as they play... because... well, I have learnt to. She is a sweet kid but one aspect makes me wonder if there is a problem somewhere... with her or my perception.

This child eats, eats, eats, eats and eats some more. She demands, yeah demands.... second, third and fourth helpings at dinner and a big man sized snack every half an hour. She will eat both healthy and unhealthy things in termendous volumes. Without permission, she opens and rummages through and ransacks all my pantry and kitchen cabinets; is the first to open all entering grocery bags and knows the insides of my freezers and refrigerators intimately. In the past year or so, she has begun to sneak food if she thinks no one is paying attention. When she leaves our house, her pockets are bulging with cookies and sundry snacks that she has tries ineffectively to hide. I tell you this child eats much more than a grown man perfoming heavy manual labor. I feel awfully petty saying this, but sometimes I really think she will eat us out of my grocery budget. It has been this way since the kids were toddlers together. The kid displays plenty of energy and runs around but is obviously heavy.

The sneaking of the food really bothers me. It does. More than anything else.

I dont know if her parents will ever acknowledge there is a problem at all. How do I know this? Well, the mom jokes all the time about not needing a dishwasher in the house because the kid cleans her plate at every meal and is not a fussy eater. I tried to bring up the topic a couple of times, but she just kind of laughed it off. The housekeeper cooks a lot.... good, oldfashioned Italian home cooking. I know that she feeds the kid well, and no one is being starved in that house. The household seems quite normal apart from the kids being a little too materially indulged. It is a typical family in our neighbourhood.

I wonder sometimes if it is my own cultural prejiduces that make me irritated with this gluttony and sneaking of food. Then I think ... not... because visiting friends and the husband also see this. So why dont her parents see it?

I have lived in this country for a very long time. I am married into the culture for a very long time. But then I am still wary and sometimes unsure of how to say the difficult things. Unsure of what will be acceptable and what will not. Sometimes cultural rules are so hard. I wonder if I should even say it out. open and loud, or will it be construed as getting into someones childrearing business.

I know that I would like to know if my child had a problem like that. It would disturb me and make me feel somewhat defensive, but I would still like to know.

I am just so disturbed by what happened at dinner tonight. Oh the typical, and then the cookies fell out of her pockets when I walked her back home after dinner.

Felix sit annus novus!

2009-01-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

Or

Bhavati api nutana samawatsaryasa shubhashchaya!

Thats the Latin and Sanskrit for: Happy New Year folks!

I know the Latin is right (courtesy the Husband who studied latin for 8 years... yeah his spelling is really, really, really good), but I have no idea if the grammar and syntax is right in Sanskrit? Is it?

I think it is just appropriate that I start the New Year with a question. Isn't that the way our year is going to unfold in anycase? We do live our life in search of all the questions and answers and questions again. It is what makes us humans. So this year I celebrate curiosity and questions! No questions will be taboo and the hard questions will be asked too. On my blog and in my life too.

And now another question...

So what did you do to celebrate?

Over here, I just went to bed at 9.30 and slept like a baby. It felt comfortable to do that somehow. I think 2009 will be about homeiness and comfort and family for me. Oh and questions!

I know this is late, but it is still within the 12 days of Christmas, and it made me smile, and my kids guffaw in delight. I hope it makes you smile too.

Turn your speakers up, click on the link and click the Play arrow.
http://www.mtvindia.com/video/video.php?vid=1639&tagid=5&page=0

I do love Jingle Baiils and red and green parandis and sarson ke khet!

Bilkul NRI question... no, not... Sealwaali Bisleri bottle kidher hai?

2008-12-30T07:14:00.000-08:00

So I will be making my "once- every-two-years" pilgrimage to see family in India in Aug 09. I go there a lot more often now that I have kids. It is important to me that my children should have some connection to my culture. I want them to be comfortable with and connect with both thier "adha adha" backgrounds. I am hoping that travel and forming relationships with family in India will do something towards that goal. Perhaps they will have a sense of curiousity about the culture that they can fulfill in thier later independant years. Either way... I am getting on a plane with them in early Aug and going there for a month.

My American Sister in law and high school age niece will also join us on our adventure. We have travelled a lot together before and being with them is super easy and not stressful at all.

My question is... would you take a vacation in Kashmir in August with 2 little kids and some American relatives as companions? Is it safe, is it good weather, is it a good thing to do? Would you do it? And if you would do it, how would you do it? What would you see and where would you go?

I have never been to Kashmir before. I need suggestions and your input. I do not know the situation on the ground, given the political situation that is in flux.

The husband is quite uncomfortable with me taking the kids to Kashmir by myself. I need to convince both him and myself that it is ok. I also feel responsible for my sisterinlaw and niece when they are in India.

Do you dear reader have any ideas or input about a vacation in Kashmir in August?

In which she is moved to tears, ecstatic with hope and struck dumb with tension!

2008-12-28T07:20:00.000-08:00

Last night we left ... fed, watered, pajamed and Wii engrossed little kids with visiting Grandma for a few hours while the husband and I went to see a movie.

What movie did we watch?

Slumdog Millionaire.

First let me state that I went to watch the movie with few expectations. The reason for this is two fold.

Many years ago, my first brush with a film dealing with the sweet sour lives of children in urban poverty was the iconic Salaam Bombay. My appreciation of the honesty with which the brutal lives of street children was depicted in this film, however soon turned to dust. Within a few weeks I saw a Portugese language film on PBS TV. The film was Brazilian I think and I cannot remember the name at all. This Portugese language film was made chronologically before Salaam Bombay. To say that Salaam Bombay was a straight frame by frame lift from the Portugese language film would be stating the obvious. I think I lost some respect for Mira Nair as a filmaker and Sooni Taraporewala as an original scriptwriter (not an adaptation) at that point.

Recently, a few months ago I saw another well received Brazilian film "City of God" dealing with the abject travails of children and young adults in a Rio Slum. The film had an "in your face, punch in the guts" sensibility about it. Brutal storytelling about brutal lives. I think for a few nights, I dreamed about the violence I saw rather than the shaded human stories woven into the film. For me, that is never a good thing.

I did not have much information about Slumdog Millionare until I actually saw it. I had read something about it in entertainment magazines and had read the announcements about the Golden Globe nominations. However, I did not know anyone who actually had seen the movie and had an informed opinion about it.

So you see, I went into the theatre, determinedly a blank slate.

Like Shehrezade wove a thousand Arabian stories of suspense and intrigue into an instrument prolonging her life everyday, director Danny Boyle and scriptwriter Simon Beufoy have woven a very taut web of a believeable story that kept me suspensefully at the edge of my seat until the last second.

Until the lights came back on in the theatre, to put me back in time and space... squarely into seemingly safe and priviledged suburban America.... I was lost in the Mumbai of my most honest romantic dreams and my excruciatingly brutal nightmares. This is a Mumbai that actually exists. I know that. You probably know that too. You and I have both seen and walked by all the incidents that make up this movie. Walked by them a thousand times and never seen them for what they are.

This is a story masterfully told with an Indian sensibility. Yes, I said Danny Boyle has an Indian sensibility. He totally "gets" it. He understands the way Indians think. He sees the colors we see. He hears the sounds and the music we hear and yes he can even smell the smells that we smell (big scene there). He understands how we live cheek by jowl, rich with the poor, with poverty and brutality and without judgement he presents the whole picture. No mean achivement this. He understands that we see heroes and villans perhaps differently from a western sensibility. He understands that in the Indian cultural context we can also view both Truthfullness and Deception sometimes as an "amoral" quality rather than only in Judeo Christian influenced immoral/moral categories. There is a lot of unspoken philosophy in this movie at many levels, but still the story telling reigns supreme.

I do not want to give much of the story line away so I will just touch briefly on the touchpoints of the story. The film follows the life of a street urchin called Jamal, his brother Salim and Jamal's object of yearning, a girl called Latika. They are all orphaned as children and left to the vagaries of street life. Harrowing and mind numbing encounters with gangsters controlling child beggers follow. Salim and Jamal are able to escape from the beggers gang. Alas, Latika is left behind. She will be sold into slavery as a prostitute of many kinds, in later years. The children grow up, each persons character honed in a unique way, each streetwise and each with a different path to and a different version of success and stability. A life on the knife edge of power and money in the pay of a gangster for Salim, a life as a chaiwala in a modern office setting for Jamal, and a reluctant gangsters moll for Latika. Every one of Jamal's actions and decisions is always influenced by his yearning for a reunion with Latika. He engineers an opportunity to compete in "Kaun Banega Crorepati", not for the joy of winning or for the money but because it is his chance to connect with Latika. He wins at every level on the game despite the motivations and machinations of a smarmy game show host with his own megalomanic agenda. How he manages to win at the game forms the storytelling framework of the movie.

Does he win the final game and does he get the girl? And what of Salim? For that my friends, I reccomend that you immerse yourself in one of the finest depictions of the surreal life that is the underbelly of Mumbai.

The pacing of the film is taut and very much like a thriller movie. There is suspense aplenty. There were absoluetly no moments of respite, and I was on the edge of my seat till the closing credits.

The music by AR Rahman was perfect for this Western made film with a very Indian heart. When the score of a film is seamlessly woven into the visual story and you cannot seperate one from the other or point out any part of the film as having a particularly striking musical moment, you know you have struck gold. AR Rahman has struck the mother lode of gold here.

The photography is gritty and suits the pacing of the film and its locations perfectly. The locations and sets had plenty of attention to detail and I could not find any fault with them at all.

Dont leave before the closing credits are done. The bollywood lover in me was satiated by what happened there!

There were only two problems I had with the movie. Both were script quibbles. One was the strangely unidimentional communal riots depicted with no backstory. Perhaps that was just part of the story the director wanted to get over quickly and carry on with HIS story. The other problem was completely surprising to me. It was the unsophisticated and standup comedic depiction of western tourists in India. I imagine that the director and scriptwriter were once themselves such tourists in India. In the movie they paint tourists in unsubtle, broad, brush strokes almost like caricatures in a Bollywood movie. Perhaps they had become too Indian in thought by the time those scenes were canned!

Dev Patel (Jamal) is perfectly cast. His chronological age belies his maturity as an actor. As Jamal, Dev gets into character seamlessly this vulnerable, brave and flawed hero. A bollywood seasoned actor would have been too much of a hero type and totally miscast. The role needed an unknown, and an actor who looked like he might fail as a human, to look and act the part of Jamal. Dev delivers.

Frieda Pinto (Latika) has a luminous quality about her. Beautiful in a touchable sort of way, and unselfconcious she IS Latika. I predict big things for this actress on the international scene as long as she has good handlers. The raw material is there for the molding.

Madhur Mittal (Salim) did a competant job, as did the rest of the supporting case. Irrfan Khan, Saurabh Shukla, and Mahesh Manjrekar have small, but important parts that were played with thier customary ease.

The "big star but most underrated actor who did really, really great" award must go to Anil Kapoor as the smarmy game show host with his own agenda. He played to the gallery when he must and depicted all the complexities of a flawed megalomanic with subtlety and very effectively. So yes Anil Kapoor, its been a long time after Parinda when you did anything other than ham through a role. Enjoy your moment. And give us more. Please! A fan is waiting.

What did I love most about the movie?

The movie depicts romantic idealism at its best even within the limitations of the underbelly of the frenetic and monetarily driven city that is Mumbai. Jamal's love for Latika was for me one of the strongest and most evocative depictions of hope amidst barbarism in recent movie making. We need more of that now. Hope that is!

So Hopefully you will see this movie. Tell Anil, I sent you!

A womans work is never done!

2008-12-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

I know, I should have updated a long time ago. I have just been absolutely crazed this last week between preparing for Christmas, work and the fruit of our loins..the kids. And oh yes, the inlaws are also visiting! Tomorrow I am cooking for loads of guests and I am run off my feet wrapping presents, looking for a nice gift for everyone, and being the perfect wife/mom/hostess/employer/parent/volunteer/giftgiver/bathroom scrubber/cook/garbage takerouter/peacemaker between kids/fashion stylist to my daughter/ballet rehersal coordinator/hall monitor/jumping on the couch kid admonisher etc etc etc.

Tomorrow I think I will breathe deeply for a moment, after the guests are gone and the dishes are clean and the presents are put into" delightful so use immediatly/useful so place in closet/return to store for gift certificates immediately" piles and then I will update to talk about some serious stuff that I have been reading and thinking about.

Meanwhile, have a very Merry Christmas everyone!

Why boys need parents!

2008-12-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

As the mother of a very active pair of children I am always aware of my responsibilities and limitations as a parent.

Today I got an email with these pictures from a very dear friend who is also the parent of an active preschool age boy and I see all the characteristics of my son and hers in all these pictures.

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.

I dont know who the photographers are, so I cannot acknowledge them. I guess these pictures have been floating around cyberspace for a while. Thanks folks, you show me what I must contend with in the growing years!

Enjoy!

Sharpshooter or Sharpshoer?

2008-12-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

I know! I know! I should be more grownup and mature but I cannot help it. The devil on my left shoulder is making me do it... hehehehehe

This is so funny and just a bit mad.

Try it for yourself. Go on throw a shoe at Bush!

You know you want to! I know that you know that you do!

http://www.sockandawe.com/

Why Obama needs my Ganesh Ring!

2008-12-17T06:14:00.000-08:00

This is a piece I wrote the night of Obama's victory and I watched him make his gracious and hopeful speech at Grant Park in Chicago.

As the inauguration nears I pause and reflect at the long way American cultural and political mores have come.

Some of what I write about Obama's electibility and victory relates very well with electoral politics in India, the controversy over reservations (affirmative action) and how minorities and the "others" feel about vote bank politics.

What are your thoughts now that the election is past and we have all had time to digest what it means to Americans and the world?

Obama Wins!

So my main girl Hillary was not even in the running and I voted for the alternative. But… what an alternative! My muffin man! Yes, I am shallow that way! And yes, he has a simmering low-key hotness that I think is just super.

Hotness aside, I am going to be all stream-of-consciousness while I write down some thoughts about the Great Election. No editing, just what I feel. Some cynicism tempered by a sprinkling of hope. A pinch of salt, to balance the sugar or vice versa… whatever makes your pie taste great!

I took my 6 year old daughter into the voting booth, to press the button after my final selections were made. With great gusto, she thumped on the Vote button and ran out of the curtained booth shouting “Mommy voted for Obama”. There were a few cheers, and a few boos but it was all good. I was in my own familiar territory, upper middle class and privileged and amongst friends and neighbors. People who seemingly could ride out 4 years without being decimated whatever the final outcome of the election. I followed my child out of the polling place somewhat embarrassed by her exuberance but proud that she is on the vanguard of a time and generation where democracy will mean more of a genuine equal chance for a half brown person like her.

She was so excited when we (she punched the button) voted for Hillary in the Primaries. To her 6 year old mind, a woman President was a wonderous thing. She was disappointed when I told her this time around we would not vote for a woman, but the excitement she felt at the process of voting remained the same. Obama didn’t mean much to her, but his name rhymed nicely and was cool name to say and chant. He wasn’t a woman but for her it was enough to be able to punch the Vote button and be a part of the voting process. I pray that she will always be able to punch that vote button without fear or favor. This flawed but essentially wonderful concept that is democracy will shape her future in good ways. It will always allow her to dream the big dreams, and to believe her dreams can really come true!

To many white Americans who voted for him, Obama was”just black enough” to be their own special symbol of liberalism. He plays just enough basketball, wasn’t too dark in color, spoke no Ebonics, or had any lasting relationships with traditional black power groups. He is educated, and very importantly had a mother and grandparents who looked just like them. His wife does not braid her hair or have a name which ended with a “sha” or “ta”. Oprah and Colin Powell are his friends, rather than P Diddy and Snoop Dogg and he doesn’t call everybody Girlfriend or Brotha. He probably smoked weed as a student, just like them and wasn’t afraid to inhale. He was in effect “not scary”. For them, Obama was the best first baby step towards a more equitable equation for a racially and economically divided America. Voting for him made them feel good about themselves and their own evolution as thinking people.

For the people of color, (and that by definition includes me, doesn’t it?) it was a very passionate vote. For older African Americans who have experienced the sting of overt racism and have seen how long it takes for change to come about, electing Obama was mostly a symbol of the culmination of their long held hopes and desires. For the younger lot however they were voting not just for a symbol; they were voting for their immediate hopes. It was about decayed inner cities and racial profiling and economic hardship and fathers in jail and breakdown of traditional family structures and most importantly of being on the dole and losing your home. It was about being able to buy groceries without public assistance and paying the mortgage or rent next month and their sons and daughters not becoming cannon fodder in the army because they couldn’t get another well paying job without the right accent or dressing the part of the upwardly mobile.

I wonder how it will play out… these very separate agendas. Very disparate but all so necessary to the conditions that America sees today.

White America is satisfied that Black America has been appeased. A little self congratulatory back patting is in order. After all White America helped to vote in the Black President and symbol and that there should be no further complaining about racial discrimination or affirmative action. You have your guy, now enough! No more whining and really you are not going to get anymore sops!

Black America wants all their troubles to disappear with the waving of this magic wand. Of course, Obama is going to make it all happen. They will see good times en masse.

Everyone who voted Democrat this time around wants their mortgages paid, their retirement accounts brought back to health and for the war to go away. Obama will make that happen too. And he is also supposed to make it happen in 4 years!

Can he?

As I see it, the situation will get worse in the short term, before it gets better. But it will get better. After all a start has been made, a new goal has now at least been visualized. The route to that goal still remains to be examined and seen. That will take time.

A child of color or a poor child can now truly believe that he can become the President. After all there is one like him up there. But will the path to that spot be self evident or even open for a long, long, long while? Will a child who knows no privilege right now, know what to do to get there?

That my friends will take a very long time. A beginning has been made, but there are many who are going to be disappointed in the short term. Obama has inherited a thankless job in the worst possible circumstances. So can Obama sustain interest in his vision and sustain support long enough to be the change he seeks? 4 years is too short to do all he seeks to do. He is going to have to be more than clever to do that. He will have to be very, very lucky.

I want to send him my lucky Ganesh ring. He needs it. Very badly!

No, not Scarlett OHara... scarlet fever!

2008-12-16T03:34:00.000-08:00

So my baby boy has scarlet fever!

Oh my... there are no visions of sugarplums dancing in my head anymore! No siree, . As soon as the doctor bounced back into the exam room, waving her just washed hands in the air, I knew something serious was up.

Son had a mild fever for 2 days starting Thursday night. The fact that he had a fever made me very nervous. As a baby he had 2 episodes of Febrile Convulsions... convulsions from the sudden onset of high fever. That is harmless the doctors assured me but even the memory of those two episodes has me trembling. Holding him in my arms while he shook with convulsions, the frantic 911 calls, the ambulance and police cars screeching into our driveway to whisk us to the hospital. I have never been so frightened in my life. Horrible!

So ever the vigilant mother, I rearranged my work schedule, got a friend to transport Daughter to school and back and afterschool activities and I devoted my time to Son.

He stayed home from preschool on Friday. He played videogames and we did endless "art projects" involving copious amounts of glue and glitter and every string and paper in the house. He bounced and jumped on the couches until they were creaking for mercy. He wouldnt eat a thing, except for drinking copious amounts of lemon flavored Gatorade (a electrolyte sports drink). But he did not seem "sick"... none of the usual clinginess, crying, and temper tantrums that kids specialise in when sick. He had no other symptoms. No swollen glands, no sore throat... nothing! It seemed like one of those mild viral fever episodes that the kids bring home from school on a regular basis.

Sunday we went to the movies! He fell asleep during the movie and when we got home I noticed that he had a faint rash on his neck. I figured he was just wearing too many layers and was hot. He seemed just fine and and had not had a fever for 24 hours so I sent him off to school on Monday.

When I picked him in the afternoon he was covered in a red, sandpaper feeling rash. I mean just covered all over with rough red skin! Every possible inch. Just awful. I called the doctor and described the symptoms and she was all... come here right away!

A throat swab, culture and 5 minutes later, the diagnosis... a bad case of scarlet fever.

The room dimmed around me for a few seconds! Every Dickens book that I ever read had people falling dead from scarlet fever. So many books, written even in the first half of the twentieth century had people suffering irreparable damage or death from scarlet fever! Look at the references to scarlet fever in popular culture. I actually have an uncle who has a weakened heart from rheumatic fever/scarlet fever in childhood. The ground fairly shook under my feet. Like a Victorian mother given this diagnosis, I was a blubbering mess.

I was quickly brought to life by the doctor waving a SINGLE precription in my face. A prescription for a 10 day dose of Amoxicillin. Thats it! A single prescription for a disease that claimed lives just 40-50 years ago. A disease that had people quarantined for months if they even recovered!

The doctor assured me that it was ok to send him to school by Wednesday and that 3 doses of the antibiotic would render him non contagious. Imagine that! So simple.

Ofcourse she also said to make sure that he finished the 10 day course of medicine and to bring Daughter to see her if she develops a fever in the next few days. She said Husband and I will probably also develop some symptoms from exposure because Scarlet fever is so contagious. I was hardly listening to all that. My heart was just pumping joyously now. A single prescription and he was going to be okay!

Ofcourse today, I have to call the school to warn them that Son had come in on Monday in a contagious state. They will have to send letters out warning other parents to look for symptoms in thier kids and will have to disinfect all the toys. I am embarrassed about this. But really, how could I have known?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_fever

The wonders of modern medicine! Over and over I am thankful we live in todays day and age. I know our rapid technological advances have allowed us a greater ability to destroy and self destruct but we also have greater means to protect lives. So it is all good isnt it?

I for one dont exactly view the past in a Golden Hue. It was what it was, but today and tommorow is even better!

Warsmaking ability or not, a mother thanks technology!

Review ka review, ham ka ham ho jaye!

2008-12-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

Rab ne Bana di Jodi

I laughed, I cried, I ate ham! Yes I ate Samosa Chaat too, but later - after the ham had been consumed. During the movie my kids dozed off and my husband embarrassed me by yawning too loud and too often. But then they dont love SRK for his hamminess like I do. I am an unabashed fan. I am as they say... lattoo for SRK in the movies.

Okay first things first... the movie was a homage to SRK. Funny, the actor in an homage to himself and every film he has ever acted in. Lucky Ducky! How many of us would get to do that!

Secondly... SRK celebrates the art of Hamming it up. He does... he almost makes overacting a joyous thing! And his likeability factor makes us rejoice in it with him. He is the Ham Laureate! The meek average man, the rowdy rather vulgar alterego, the lover, the friend every frame he is in, he played unashamedly to the peanut gallery. I do not know if he means to overact quite so much, but the fan in me would like to think he did his entire part with tongue firmly in cheek. I really want to believe that he was laughing at himself as much as I wanted to while his chin quivered and his lips pursed up and his rheumy eyes filled with just enough tears to become lakes of pathos without spilling over untidily onto his cheeks.

For a man of his age (he is my contemporary so I should not snigger too loud) SRK's bod is impressive and he flaunts it well. Alas he didnt take off his shirt for me. Perhaps in his next movie. After OSO I was left panting for more. But oh my.... does he need a facelift or something... badly! He is looking haggard and my heart breaks to even say that.

Everything else about the movie is just filler. Literally. The story, the lead actress, the sets, the script, the supporting cast, the music and yeah even the myriad shameless endorsements. It is all really quite forgettable.

Having made the statement that the story is just filler, I will not bother to give you more than the outline. The script follows a linear, completely improbable story. Something along the lines of... Average man marries Average girl, but they are not "doing" each other yet for all kinds of stupid reasons. Average girl falls for vulgar showman type man who is really Average man in disguise. Average man happens to be a peculiar and rather unlikeable (to me) mixture of emotional masochist and chauvanist who enjoys playing emotional passive/aggressive games. They dance together and talk a lot about Rab. Then Average Man and Average Girl finally get together in the end and finally and hopefully start "doing" each other in the epilogue. Dammit... if they had got thier minds around to do the sex thing in the first few frames of the movie, perhaps Aditya Chopra would not have a movie to make.

The lead actress who has an unmemorable part is perfectly cast. Her looks are average, the acting skills are average and everything about her is unthreateningly average. Her dancing skills are average to boot. Her mannerisms and deportment are perfectly in sync with who she is supposed to portray. She could be any one of the gori, chitti, punjabi, very average girls I knew in Sadi Dilli. The clothes fit, the punjabi size nose fits. Her very ordinarniness is what makes her perfect for the part. A stunning or distinctive looking actress would have been terribly miscast in this story. In her very averageness she did well enough in the movie so I cannot fault her for anything. She really did not detract from anything. On a cynical note I will add that unless Anushka finds what more she has to offer ... looks, talent, powerful godfather, fewer clothes or noteriety she will find the going very hard in Bollywood. I do not think middling parts for average girls are at a premium in Bollywood.

Vinay Pathak provided able support. A talented actor and consistantly willing to let go of his ego and self, he provided polish in his loosely written part. He skipped between comic relief, pathos and detemination seamlessly. I wish his part had been more tautly written and he had better lines to say.

The camerawork was precise and good. The colors of the sets were beautifully photographed and in that the movie was a visual treat.

The movie could have been edited down by atleast an hour or so. Just cutting back on the trillion close up shots of a pursed lipped, quivery chinned SRK would have cut the movie down to about half its length.

Amritsar as location was interesting, as it has not been cinematically explored in Hindi Cinema too often. In that it seemed fresh. The Golden Temple looked lovely. The Amritsar streets could have been a dozen places in North India. Did the story actually need to be located there? Probably not, except Aditya Chopra probably already had the title picked out. The word "Rab" is very, very Punjabi and since that word is used about a million times in justifying the non-story of the movie, a Punjab town it had to be.

Being that the story and script were so lame, the music and choreography could have been the reason d'etre for this movie. Unfortunately both were dissapointing. I cannot think of a single song or peice of background score that stuck in my mind. The Item song was badly done and a complete waste of resources. What a waste of 3 popular actresses who could have added magic. And I said 3 not 4 since I did not intend to use the words Lara Datta and Magic in the same sentence. Whatever was Aditya thinking... he the maker of the perfectly scored and choreographed movie DDLJ! He crashed and burned in this department.

So did I enjoy it and was it paisa vasool?

Being that I paid matinee half price and my son got in for free (yes I have connections... hehehehe) and the Samosa Chaat was not bad and it was all about SRK and SRK and more SRK...

Yes I had a good enough time.

Next time, SRK take your shirt off. I will not be satisfied with less than that!

Ham.... errrr movie review!

2008-12-14T16:53:00.001-08:00

Rab Ne Hajmola aur SRK ki Jodi kyon nahi Banayee?

My review will be up in a couple of hours right after I have eaten the Samosa Chaat that I had orginally bought during the intermission.

Paaaaniiiiiii .... teekha hai!

In a few folks!

Peeping Tom! Me?

2008-12-14T07:50:00.000-08:00

Doing my last hundred item post made me think about how long I really want to live.

I want to live at least to 100. If I had my druthers I would like to live to 150!

Is that wrong? Should I wish for a healthy shorter life? Should I wish for a more meaningful but shorter life?

I probably should. Right?

But you know what makes me want to live so very long? Selfishly, I am a voyeur. I want to see what happens next... and next... and next... and next.

Just think, in the last 50 years, world happenings and technology have progressed so fast, evolved so fast, and disintegrated so fast. Faster than ever in human history. More things that touch my life are changing faster than ever before. I know my parents and grandparents and all my esteemed ancestors down to a Rift valley Lucy, could never have ever hoped to see so much change in thier lifetimes.

This pace will only increase exponentially. We are the vanguard of an era that Humanity has never seen before. Lucky us!

Can you even imagine the earth and our lives a century hence? What do you think you will see?

I know we will have the same conflicts and successes because that my friends is the human condition, but all in all it will be an exciting time because everything will happen so much faster.

And I have so much to see before I sleep!

I am going to be busy until I am 100

2008-12-13T19:13:00.000-08:00

On a blog that I like very much( http://kaimhanta.blogspot.com/) I found this list of 100 things.

There are several versions of this list floating around the blog world. Each version I imagine has relevence to a particular geographic region. I chose this one because I wanted to see how much I have done based on my experiences as a desi transplanted to the US.

I think I am going to track down more versions and see what else in the world needs to be done! I guess I am going to be very busy until I am atleast 100.

The points in purple are the ones I have done and can tick of my... "been there, done that " list.

As for #89... yes I have!

Do you have a list? If you want to share, copy this list and put it on your blog and tick off what you have done. Dont forget to let me know to look!

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Touched a cobra/snake
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Kutub Minaar
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a Divali fort- "killa"
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone swimming in the Ganga
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a houseboat in the Dal lake in Kashmir
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a sixer (cricket)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Visited an Adivasi community ("pada")
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Taj Mahal (monument, not hotel) in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen the Himalayas
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen the eruption of a volcano
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited the US
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Been to VaishhnoDevi
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Visited a Masjid
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served as a volunteer at a public meeting
61. Helped someone not related to you , with studies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone parasailing
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten karela happily
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood at the Gateway of India recently, after 26/11
74. Toured Kashmir
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards at the Wagah border between Ind-Pak
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Parliament in New Delhi
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in KanyaKumari
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bhagwad Geeta
86. Visited the Rashtrapati Bhavan in Delhi (President of India residence)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
96. Swam in the Indian Ocean
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

Need a break

2008-12-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

I need a mental health day. Or a Drink or something! Sigh!

I am just run off my feet and so crazed. Why is christmas so hard??????

As much as I want to simplify my life and do away with the materialism of the holiday season, I cant seem to do it. I have kids. They expect things to be a certain way! They need the trimmings. Or do they ? Yes, they do.... I think.

It started in October with Diwali, and Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then New Years. Dont things ever slow down?

Pass me that bottle will ya!

Reaching across is not easy

2008-12-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

I was reading the blog of a woman who has a complicated ethnic and national identity. Pakistan, Bangladesh, India, Libya, Punjabi, Bengali all feature in the makeup of who she is and in her experiences. She lives in India now. She writes that she called her family in Pakistan and Bangladesh after the Mumbai tragedy and found the conversation very difficult.

All this was brought into sharp focus for me a couple of days ago. I was speaking on the phone, with a very good friend in Karachi and we talked about the tragedy that befell the city that we both grew up in and love so much. At some point I asked if she had been in touch with her cousin in Mumbai who also happens to be a friend of mine. This woman had been caught up in the Taj Hotel attacks in some way but was thankfully unharmed.

There was dead silence for a few seconds until my friend was able to gather her thoughts and speak coherantly. She then told me of the strained conversation she had with her cousin in Mumbai. There was uncertainity on both sides and stilted conversation laced with the fear of approbation and accusations. There were so many things left unsaid and the conversation meant to be healing ended very quickly.

What a pity, but this mistrust will have to be endured until lasting solutions can be found.

What are the solutions? Will the issue of Kashmir have be the first to be resolved for any detente? Is this business of trade and rail connections and more streamlined visas just hogwash? Is it even possible to put aside the question of Kashmir and pretend it dosent exist and carry on trying to form other connections?

I do not know the solution to Kashmir and I cannot think of any that will please all parties.

Seeing Green?

2008-12-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

Plenty of people have asked about the photo on the upper banner.

Yes, that is my 6 year old baby girl who is quite the gymnast. This is a fun summertime picture taken in the backyard.

Yes, I do see the dandelions! And ofcourse to cover up our general laziness when it comes to detailed lawncare we tell enquiring people we are going organic and hence those pesky dandelions.

There is some truth to this going green business. Tis not all a lie! Our promise to ourselves is that we will live as green as possible for atleast a year and only then will we add on the extention to the house, an extention that we have been putting off for so long.

A little repentance before we add to our carbon footprint with a mucho bigger house with its greater energy needs and greater ecological mayhem.

The "Otherization" Debate

2008-12-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

This is by Ramchandra Guha for the Wall Street Journal on Dec 6. Well researched and meaningful. Splendid writing style.

Do keep in mind that this is primarily written for a curious and well informed Western audience as opposed to having been written for the Western Tabloid Press.

Bare simple truths, that we forget so easily. This should be compulsory reading for everyone in India! Atleast if we want to tackle the "otherization" of a large part of India's population.

What do you think of what he writes? Comment away everyone!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122852093316784075.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

In October 1947, a bare six weeks after India and Pakistan achieved their independence from British rule, the Indian Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, wrote a remarkable letter to the Chief Ministers of the different provinces. Here Nehru pointed out that despite the creation of Pakistan as a Muslim homeland, there remained, within India, "a Muslim minority who are so large in numbers that they cannot, even if they want, go anywhere else. That is a basic fact about which there can be no argument. Whatever the provocation from Pakistan and whatever the indignities and horrors inflicted on non-Muslims there, we have got to deal with this minority in a civilized manner. We must give them security and the rights of citizens in a democratic State."

In the wake of the recent incidents in Mumbai, these words make salutary reading. It seems quite certain that the terrorists who attacked the financial capital were trained in Pakistan. The outrages have sparked a wave of indignation among the middle class. Demonstrations have been held in the major cities, calling for revenge, in particular for strikes against training camps in Pakistan. The models held up here are Israel and the United States; if they can "take out" individual terrorists and invade whole countries, ask some Indians, why not we?

Other commentators have called for a more measured response. They note that the civilian government in Islamabad is not in control of the army, the army not in control of the notorious Inter Services Intelligence agency, the ISI not in control of the extremists it has funded. They point out that Pakistan has itself been a victim of massive terror attacks. India, they say, should make its disapproval manifest in other ways, such as canceling sporting tours and recalling diplomats. At the same time, the United States should be asked to demand of Pakistan, its erratically reliable ally, that it act more decisively against the terrorists who operate from its soil.

One short-term consequence of the terror in Mumbai is a sharpening of hostility between India and Pakistan. And, as is always the case when relations between these two countries deteriorate, right-wing Hindus have begun to scapegoat those Muslims who live in India. They have begun to speculate as to whether the attackers were aided by their Indian co-religionists, and to demand oaths of loyalty from Muslim clerics and political leaders.

There are 150 million Muslims in India. They have gained particular prominence in one area: Bollywood. Several top directors and composers are Muslim, as well as some of India's biggest movie stars. One, Aamir Khan, was a star and producer in "Lagaan," a song-and-dance epic about a game of cricket that was nominated for an Academy Award in 2002. But Muslims are massively underrepresented in the professions -- few of India's top lawyers, judges, doctors and professors are Muslim. Many Indian Muslims are poor, and a few are angry.

Pakistan was carved out of the eastern and western portions of British India. To this new nation flocked Muslims from the Indian heartland. Leading the migration were the lawyers, teachers and entrepreneurs who hoped that in a state reserved for people of their faith, they would be free of competition from the more populous (and better educated) Hindus.

Pakistan was created to give a sense of security to the Muslims of the sub-continent. In fact, it only made them more insecure. Nehru's letter of October 1947 was written in response to a surge of Hindu militancy, which called for retribution against the millions of Muslims who stayed behind in India. Three months later, Mahatma Gandhi, who was both Father of the Indian Nation as well as Nehru's mentor, was shot dead by a Hindu fanatic. That act shamed the religious right, who retreated into the shadows. There they stayed until the 1970s, when, through a combination of factors elaborated upon below, they came to occupy center-stage in Indian politics.

If the first tragedy of the Indian Muslim was Partition, the second has been the patronage by India's most influential political party, the Congress, of Muslims who are religious and reactionary rather than liberal and secular. Nehru himself was careful to keep his distance from sectarian leaders whether Hindu or Muslim. However, under the leadership of his daughter, Indira Gandhi, the Congress party came to favor the conservative sections of the Muslim community. Before elections, Congress bosses asked heads of mosques to issue fatwas to their flock to vote for the party; after elections, the party increased government grants to religious schools and colleges. In a defining case in 1985, the Supreme Court called for the enactment of a common civil code, which would abolish polygamy and give all women equal rights regardless of faith -- the right to their husband's or father's property, for example, or the right to proper alimony once divorced. The prime minister at the time was Rajiv Gandhi. Acting on the advice of the Muslim clergy, he used his party's majority in Parliament to nullify the court's verdict. After Rajiv's widow, Sonia Gandhi, became Congress president in 1998, the party has continued to fund Muslim religious institutions rather than encourage them to engage with the modern world.

Partition and Congress patronage between them dealt a body blow to Muslim liberalism. The first deprived the community of a professional vanguard; the second consolidated the claims to leadership of priests and theologians. In an essay published in the late 1960s, the Marathi writer Hamid Dalwai (a resident of Mumbai) wrote of his community that "the Muslims today are culturally backward." To be brought "on a level with the Hindus," argued Dalwai, the Muslims needed an "avant garde liberal elite to lead them." Otherwise, the consequences were dire for both communities. For "unless a Muslim liberal intellectual class emerges, Indian Muslims will continue to cling to obscurantist medievalism, communalism, and will eventually perish both socially and culturally. A worse possibility is that of Hindu revivalism destroying even Hindu liberalism, for the latter can succeed only with the support of Muslim liberals who would modernize Muslims and try to impress upon these secular democratic ideals."

The possibility that Dalwai feared has come to pass. From the 1980s, the dominance of the Congress party has been challenged by the Bharatiya Janata Party. The BJP seeks to make India a "Hindu" nation, by basing the nation's political culture on the religious traditions (and prejudices) of the dominant community. Charging the Congress with "minority appeasement," with corruption and with dynastic rule, the BJP came to power in many states, and eventually in New Delhi. However, its commitment to the secular ideals of the Indian Constitution is somewhat uncertain. For the party's members and fellow travelers, only Indians of the Hindu faith are to be considered full or first-class citizens. Of the others, the Parsis are to be tolerated, the Christians distrusted, and the Muslims detested. One form this detestation takes is verbal -- the circulation of innuendos based on lies and half-truths (as in the claim that Muslims outbreed Hindus and will soon outnumber them). Another form is physical -- thus, the hand of the BJP lies behind some of the worst communal riots in independent India, for example Bhagalpur in 1989, Mumbai in 1992, and Gujarat in 2002; in all cases, an overwhelming majority of the victims were Muslims.

The rise of the BJP owes something to the failures of the Congress, and something also to the example of Pakistan. As that society has come increasingly under the influence of Islamic fundamentalists, there is a more ready audience, within India, for the rants and raves of Hindu extremists. Likewise, the expulsion, by jihadis trained in Pakistan, of some 200,000 Hindus from the valley of Kashmir in a single year -- 1989-1990 -- has been used to justify attacks on Muslims in other parts of India. But to explain is not to excuse -- for the BJP has stoked feelings and passions that should have no place in a civilized society.

In its activities BJP is helped by a series of allied groups. Known also by their abbreviations -- RSS, VHP, etc. -- these were in the forefront of the religious violence of the 1980s and beyond. Roaming the streets of small- (and big-) town India, they addressed their Muslim prey with the slogan "Pakistan or Kabristan!" (Flee to Pakistan, or we will send you straight to your graves). Meanwhile, their ideologues in the press -- some with degrees from the best British universities -- make the argument that Muslims are inherently violent, or unpatriotic, or both.

In fact, the ordinary Muslim is much like any other ordinary Indian -- honest, hard-working and just about scraping a living. A day after I heard a BJP leader denounce the Congress for making the Muslims into a "pampered and privileged minority," I found myself making a turn into the busiest road in my home town, Bangalore. Just ahead of me was a Muslim gentleman, who was attempting to do likewise. Except that he was making the turn not behind the wheel of a powerful Korean-made car but with a hand-cart on which were piled some bananas.

That the fruit seller was Muslim was made clear by his headgear, a white cap with perforations. He was an elderly man, about 60, short and slightly-built. The turn was made hard by his age and infirmity, and harder by the fact that the road sloped steeply downward, and by the further fact that making the turn with him were very many motor vehicles. Had he gone too slow he would have been bunched in against the cars; had he gone too fast he might have lost control altogether. Placed right behind the fruit seller, I saw him visibly relax his shoulders as the turn was successfully made, with cart and bananas both intact.

One should not read too much into a single image, but it does seem to be that that perilous turn was symptomatic of an entire life -- a life lived at the edge of subsistence, a life taken one day at a time and from one turn to the next. In this respect the fruit seller was quite representative of Indian Muslims in general. Far from being pampered or privileged, most Muslims are poor farmers, laborers, artisans and traders.

The failure to punish the perpetrators of successive pogroms has thrown some young men into the arms of fundamentalist groups. But the number is not, as yet, very large. And it is counterbalanced by other trends, for instance, the growing hunger for modern education among the youth. The desire to learn English is ubiquitous, as is the fascination for computers. Even in the disgruntled valley of Kashmir, a press survey found that the iconic founder of India's most respected software company, Infosys Technologies, a Hindu named N. R. Narayana Murthy, was a greater hero among Muslim students than the founder of Al Qaeda.

Since the reasons for the poverty (and the anger) are so complex, a successful compact between Indian Muslims and modernity will require patient and many-sided work. It would help if the Pakistan center was to reassert itself against the extremism it has itself, in past times, encouraged. It would help some more, if, pace Hamid Dalwai, there was a more forthright assertion of Muslim liberalism within India. But perhaps the greatest burden falls on India's major political parties. The Congress must actively promote the modernization of Muslim society. And the BJP must recognize, in word and in deed, that the 150 million Muslims in India have to be dealt with in a civilized manner, and given the security and the rights due them as equal citizens in a democratic and non-denominational State.

Writing in 1957, the historian Wilfred Cantwell Smith pointed out that Indian Muslims were unique in that they shared their citizenship "with an immense number of people. They constitute the only sizable body of Muslims in the world of which this is, or ever has been true." True no longer, for in many countries of Western Europe and even in the United States, the Muslims are now a sizeable but not dominant component of the national population. This makes this particular case even more special. For if, notwithstanding the poisonous residues of history and the competitive chauvinisms of politicians, Indians of different faiths were to live in peace, dignity and (even a moderate) prosperity, they might set an example for the world.

Saab/Memsaab Bathroom Mein Hain

2008-12-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

Just a letter I wrote that I would like to fax/email/mail the publicity hound celebrities in question! I would like to title this letter.."saab/memsaab bathroom mein hein"

............................
Dear Mr/Ms Celebrity,

We realise that the Mumbai Tragedy is more about being a PR opportunity for a ton of folks like you. The media uses you and you use the media equally shamelessly. While you may really want to believe (and have us believe) that you are a bleeding heart, we ain't so dumb honey! Besides which we can call as spade a spade, especially when it has to move a load of bullshit. Okay so this is a spade and that pile over there is bullshit. You and me clear on that?

Moving along...

The media, yeah even the "thinking" media uses you to gain eyeballs. Agreed! Your Goofball celebrety friends who have never before shown an iota of sustained public interest in matters of public policy or security are recruited by media for endless discussions. Ofcourse darling, the real victims and eyewitnesses and situation handlers of this appaling tragedy are convininetly ignored. It dosent make for good composition on the screen or in print to have them in the same frame. Case in point that really disgusting discussion by Barkha Dutt with total public policy zeros like Ness Wadia and Simi Garewal. Ridiculous and stomach churning ranting and a complete waste of precious airtime. Okay so the media got a pound of your willing and toned and airbrush tanned flesh. But honey you benefitted too wouldnt you say, despite the fact that some of us thought you were totally disgusting?

Oh and if you dont quite get into that TV thing, you always have the PR statement route. There you have it... a great opportunity for making innane "closing the barn door after the horse has bolted" comments and rants. Case in point... Saif and Kareena's statement that says nothing at all. You got your name in print for today and you got your name ticked off on that great leapord skin wrapped register that records "dont you forget, I was there too"! Okay we wont forget that you were breathing the day all this happened. But you know, some of us public were breathing a littl bit harder. After all we really had to run for our unwashed lives.

Ofcourse and then you have other bretheren of the "Candle lighting" and "10 point agenda presenting" fame. Case in point... Karan Johar and his cohorts and thier agenda. Ofcourse doing any of this in private would be blasphemy. Without it being made public, none of this agenda business would help you in any way would it?

And yes we know that while you did benefit directly and indirectly from the showbiz-business-underworld nexus... and dont say you didnt (remember the spade... it's still a spade) and you were discrete enough to keep that aspect private, what matters is your statement is public. Yes we do know, you were there. Okay?

But darling, given all that, and the fact that you really dont come off as too bright or even a real bleeding heart, unless you have something significant to add that will make a real difference, shut the hell up.
And sweetie, if you cant shut the hell up, do something REALLY responsible and useful. Atleast a bunch of Hollywood stars got together and had a massive fundraising telethon for funds of victims of terrorism after 9/11. Has anyone on your wife's kitty party/boyfriends/designer-friend set said something about being of service like this? Have you considered donating your own time, money or name to a cause that really makes a differece to combating terrorism. I am not seeing any of this and I have been looking really hard.

Oh and darling, I just have to add this... you know all those showbiz star friends of yours... you know, the ones that are extremely moderate (almost parsimonious) in various things...religion, and public policy and ohhhhh.... ethics. You know they are really begining to really piss me off.
We get it... Islam is a religion of peace. Understood and point noted and underlined in red. Every statement of thiers starts with this point. I get it!!!!! I am not going to argue that fundamental belief. I belive my religion teaches peace and tolerance too.

Okay so we got over that point.

Yeah but what about the rest that needs to be said? And Mr. Celebrity if you need me to tell you what really needs to be said, your testicles havent decended yet! And Ms. Celebrity you aint ever going to grow a pair so moot point. So what needs to be said? Lets hear it from you! Lets hear it. Louder.. darling... louder... you can say it... yes you can!

Sweety, stick your neck out. If you cant be sincere and do something useful, go back to sleep and tell your maid to tell me .. "saab/memsaab bathroom mein hein"... when I call for help or comfort. Both of us will be happier that way. Our roles will be validated.

Your friend,
Just Another Member of the Unwashed Masses
AKA
Another Kiran in NYC

Contact people who owe you answers

2008-12-01T07:36:00.000-08:00

Here the email addresses and phone numbers of people that...WE ALL NEED TO WRITE TO AND PHONE EVERYDAY SINGLE DAY... RELENTLESSLY... UNTIL WE GET ANSWERS ABOUT WHAT IS BEING DONE. NOT ONE EMAIL, NOT TWO, BUT MANY EXPRESSING HOW YOU FEEL AND DEMANDING ANSWERS FOR WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE. Email and call until you get an acknowledgement of your message. You need to be on the record. Everyone of us needs to be on the record. You, me, your Maid/Driver/Paanwala and Banker... all of us need to be in record. Messages on blogs are not the record nessecarily.Blogs are all very well for catharsis and brainstorning, but talk to the people who are in charge right now. Tell them how you feel. And yes, now is the right time. Get your answers from them. Simi and Ness Wadia or Kunal Filmaker (I have no idea what the hell they were doing on Barkhas Panel... having no record of social or political or security commentary before) are NOT OUR VOICES. Our voices are our own and they need to be heard.

Chiefminister:
http://www.maharashtra.gov.in/english/government/index.php?rep_type_id=1

Chief Secty Maharashtra: http://www.maharashtra.gov.in/english/government/govSecretaryShow.php

Prime Minister:
http://pmindia.nic.in/write.htm

Home Minister India:
http://mha.nic.in/uniquepage.asp?Id_Pk=295

ADD MORE EMAILS TO THIS LIST.CALL AND WRITE. FLOOD THIER BOXES AND PHONES.

Even Anger has an agenda

2008-11-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching a panel discussion on ibnlive with Rajdeep Sardesai with Shobhaa, Nikhil Wagle, Deora, and a couple of others.

As a viewer, it was very interesting to see and hear the various agendas of the panel participants and the degree of vehemency with which thier view was presented. While the emotion of anger was a common denominator, for each the object of thier anger and thier solutions offered were just slightly different.

The young "hope of south mumbai" Milind Deora impressed the least in his bumbling attempts to deflect any suggestion that as a elected politician he could and should own up to any responsibility for reform at the simplest level (for which he is well funded)... the constituency level. His argument that attempts to change anything at a legislative level will result in further politicising terrorism, are completely stupid and iresponsible. Terrorism is inherently a socio-politico-religious matter. Accept it for what it is and take the bull by the horns. Why be cowardly about debating the tough questions? Should we add cowardly and conviniently blind to the list of nasty attributes that we associate politicians with? I was appalled at his attitude. His suggestion that infrastructure and the bureucracy and strategy be "fixed" first before politicians are brought to task was preposterous. The rot starts from bad leadership in the first place. With a corrupt political will the best infrastructure will mean nothing. It does not matter how many subinspectors are moved around and how many bulletproof vests are distributed or how many commisioners heads roll. Unless the man at the top is made accountable, nothing will change. Milind Deora should be ashamed of himself. I am afraid Milind has learned his political lessons too well at the knee of family.

MN Singh had good points to make as a tried and tested bureaucrat and his clearly defining the role of the local police... for civic policing, not for terrorism policing and rescue... was something that needed to be reiterated for us to hear. I agree that we need different bodies to take care of different types of security and that it should be more decentralised. I hope someone is taking notes!

The person on the panel who I found the most interesting was Nikhil Wagle who is a journalist from the local Marathi media. He certainly had his finger on the pulse of the "aam janta"... the people who make the machine that is Mumbai... actually work. He begs for civic leadership and political will to change the scenario of a presently leaderless but "willing to help" populace... Mumbaikars who are moved and willing to make a grassroots difference. Put that man on a steering committee or a citizens think tank.! I think he will have valuable input along with the pragmatism that comes with being a journalist in the thick of political reporting.

Shobhaa your expression of impatience with the present status quo is finely tuned and your display of righteous civic anger will make a big difference. Now it will bode well, if only more regular people will speak up and keep aflame the fire of this civic disgust at ineptitude. I am so glad you say what is to be said. We must as ordinary citizens take your lead and hammer away at it too.

And Rajdeep, brilliant journalist and interrogator that you are, please speak slower and less excitedly. It helps if we can understand what you are saying when you are totally impassioned.

On a personal note Shobhaa, I am so glad that at the end of the panel, you paid tribute to the people at the VT Station and non prestige locations that were ALSO victims of willful and malicious terrorism. They are being too soon forgotten, in the rush to focus on the more glamorous(?) aspects of this tragedy.

I personally pay tribute to all the armed service, security and municipal agency personell who risked life and limb to bring about an end to this madness. In particular I would like to remember and salute the bravery and professionalism of the Fire Department of Mumbai who battled raging infernos under gunfire (despite being unarmed) and who rescued so many from a certain death. There have been too few kudos given to them in all the round of congratulatory messages.

My suggestions about what can be done... why there are all in the preceeding paragraphs! Lets start with what Milind Deora and his ilk should NOT DO as politicians...

Mumbai Meri Jaan and Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

It broke my heart to see old haunts destroyed and tainted with the violent acts of war. It hurts so badly when I see the exact places I spent my innocent childhood and misguided youth... rent asunder like this.

This time, the violence fill me with emotions that are different from anything I have felt before. As much as I want to be all rational and grown up about it, I am filled with a rage and a desire for base animalistic revenge. But against whom? Who do we condemn and fight with as we demand our basic rights as citizens of a peaceful world? Should I fight the enemies, within or without or just my own complacency or the complacency of those who allow such things to happen? Whose fault is it? Is it even rational to place blame on any one doorstep? Will I be fighting a tangible enemy or will I just be shadow boxing with ideological abberations?

In a few hours, I am going to be at Thanksgiving dinner with all my inlaws. Today, I am supposed to be thankful for everything and pay tribute to all the opportunities and people in my life. The irony of it!

Can I really be sincere about it today, when I am filled with emotions of rage and sadness? Can I sit there, make small talk with family and friends and drink a toast to peace and happiness without the bitter bile of anguish tainting everything? Am I even supposed to?

Today I am going to have to reassure my American sister in law and teenage nieces that it is still okay to come to India with me next August.. that it will be peaceful and that India is really not always in the throes of violence. They loved thier previous trips to India and are always asking when they can come next. Will they still feel this way today? How much do I have to explain away?

I hope atleast this time, Mumbai will not go into "Business as usual" mode in a effort to show resilience. We have shown resilience so many times, I wonder if it is actually insensitivity now. Mumbai needs to make a HUGE STINK about it and continue to hammer the message home over and over in national and international arenas, until it gets the kind of noteriety and attention that a Madrid, or London or New York got. I realise that the vast numbers of poor people who depend on daily wages have to go on everyday despite the trouble. For them resilience is nessecary. However, I sincerely hope that big business and politicians show the will to highlight this despicable act for what it is. Mumbaikars need to show the world how badly terrorism hurts them for something to be done through political means.

Wake up Vilasrao and show the canny leadership we should expect of CM's of a premier state like Maharashtra. Go on, show the political will to help the city and free it from the clutches of ideological and physical violence. Can you? Or is a more OPENLY communal minded Raj Thackeray, the better alternative so that Mumbaikars can sleep with some reassurance that they will be not be murdered in thier sleep by terrorism.

Today, instead of only speaking of how thankful I am for my good fortunes as I eat a meal with my family, I will pay tribute to all Mumbaikars whose faith, will and lives have been destroyed by acts of willful and malicious violence.

Picchur dekha!

2008-11-22T21:51:00.000-08:00

So I am back tonight after seeing Dostana!

Stay tuned for my peanut gallery comments. I should get to putting them down sometime tomorrow.

Blogger powers that be... won't you be kind?

2008-11-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

Why has my blog been identified as a spam blog?

And I was going to be so good and post all kinds of interesting things. Oh well!

The powers that be at blogger, please consider turning that spamblog thing off for me. Won't you, oh won't you reply to me?

Idherich Hoon!

2008-11-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

That's right. Idherich Hoon!